Tag: shame

Brené Brown on Perfectionism

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

I’m still on fire. This is like the 4th blog post in like 2-3 days. OOOOH, DOGGY.

I wanted to build off my last post regarding love and belonging, according to author Brené Brown and her book The Gifts of Imperfection. Today we will be discussing perfectionism. Something I’ve always struggled with but just didn’t know I struggled with it, well, at least till I read Brown’s work.

I’ve always bitched at my Pops for his perfectionism, but his perfectionism rests with material items. Putting a desk together the correct way, perfect lines while he mows, etc.. That’s not what it is for me.

Here’s what Brown has to say:

“Where perfectionism exists, shame is always lurking. In fact (opinion), shame is the birthplace of perfectionism.”

I’ve always stood ready to die on a hill that I am not a perfectionist. Maybe I am. Maybe I’m not. Maybe we all are to a certain extent as Brown stated in her book. Maybe she’s right. Maybe she’s wrong. But it’s worth a thought.

Brown goes on, “I think perfectionism exists along a continuum. We all have some perfectionist tendencies. For some, perfection may only emerge when they’re feeling particularly vulnerable. For others, perfectionism can be compulsive, chronic, debilitating, and similar to addiction.”

That rings true to me. Why? It’s something I struggle with on an hourly basis. I think every day needs to be perfect. Every action I make needs to be the perfect one. Yeah, it doesn’t translate to making sure all the paintings on my wall are completely straight, but it translates into something so much more important for me. And it can be destructive. Being aware of this empowers me.

Remember, no matter how lame it sounds, you are enough. Better than enough.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Brené Brown on Love and Belonging

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Two blog posts in less than an hour. I’m on fire, man.

I recently finished up The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. Amazing author. Amazing female author if you’re looking to diversify your reading.

I sent quite a few quotes from this book to multiple people. Not all the same quotes went to the same people, but I felt like I should share some here. Let’s get into it. I don’t know if I’m going to be anal about the formatting here. Kind of don’t feel like making it perfect. We’ll see.

Brown is an author known for her studies on shame, vulnerability, acceptance, amongst other things. We’ll discuss love and belonging here because I believe she has some really beautiful ways to think of both of these emotions/feelings/whatever.

“If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging.”

She continues, “Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites.”

Here’s a few I found worth sharing:

  • I’ll be worthy when I lose twenty pounds
  • I’ll be worthy when I can do it all and look like I’m not even trying
  • I’ll be worthy when my parents finally approve

“What is at the heart of Wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.”

Brown dives even deeper into belonging, “One of the biggest surprises in my research was learning that fitting in andd belonging are not the same thing. In fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who were are; it requires us to be who we are.“

Brown points out three issues she’s willing to call truths:

  • Love and belonging will always be uncertain
  • Love belongs with belonging
  • A deep sense of love and belonging is an irreducible need of all women, men, and children

And this next part is just too good not to share, “If we want to live and love with our whole hearts, and if we want to engage with the world from a place of worthiness, we have to talk about the things that in the way: Shame, Fear, Vulnerability.”

That’s what I do in this blog. That’s what I do with my support system. That’s what you should do, too. Take a few minutes to think about these words. It’ll do you some good, I promise.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.