Tag: self care

I Need To Write

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hello, everybody. Good morning.

I put a reminder in my phone last night to blog, but on Thursday. I couldn’t wait. I don’t have much to say, but I’m sure that will change as I continue to type this out.

I’m currently at the dog park. This is my routine now: Wake up at 5, work out, dog park, work, work out/coach, stay up far too late, and repeat. It’s not sustainable, but I’m somewhat enjoying it.

My main problem right now are my relationships with people. Family, friends, potential romances. I’m shut down and closed off from it. I’m not finding joy in people or myself, and it worries me.

So what can I do about that? Not quite sure. Started with this — and I have my monthly therapy session on Friday. Things usually turn around, but I’d love some stability with my happiness. I know it’s on me, but I promise I’m trying. It’s just not easy. Never let anyone take that validation away from you. You feel how you feel – and only you know how strong that grip is around you. No one else.

I think I’ll start by continuing my routine, and maybe I step outside my comfort zone and ask a woman to dinner this week. Maybe I go grab a drink with a friend. But hopefully? Hopefully I find happiness within myself. And I hope the same for you, too.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

2022 – So What?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

The title reads in a negative light. It isn’t supposed to. My bad.

Tomorrow we start 2022! To be completely honest, I’m not at all a “NEW YEAR, NEW ME” type of person, but I am proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. And I’m proud of the ones around me. Grateful, too.

This year had its ups and downs, that’s for sure. But if we were to sum it all up, I think the ups outweigh the downs. And that’s what we want, right?

This year has been about awareness for me. Truly the first year I’ve really focused in on it – and boy am I glad I did so. I’m aware of how I feel so much more often now and CAN STOP myself from doing horrible things and/or saying terrible things.

I’ve also grown professionally and grown physically. Mentally I’ve grown. All year – growth!

Have you checked in with yourself in a bit? You should. I bet you surprise yourself with all the awesome stuff you did this year (and no, it doesn’t have to be a trip to Jamaica or some shit).

Good luck in 2022. Thanks for tagging along with me on these blog posts. I appreciate you all pushing me to write more and more. It helps.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Negotiation Talks & Ma’s Birthday

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

It’s been a few days since I’ve written to you. My apologies. Honestly I have thought about it–I just didn’t have anything to write about. I’ve missed you. Welcome back.

OK! So some big news coming from my camp. I’m accepting a new job this week at a massive company and I’m super thrilled about it. The company I’m at right now is a dead end and lied to me during the interview process, so… yeah, I’m happy. ECSTATIC.

But that’s not the best part of the day. It’s my Ma’s birthday! We did a brunch yesterday since today is a Monday, but after coaching I’ll make sure to drop by her house and say hello. Give her a big hug and tell her I love her. She’s a great mom. The best.

And last thing to update you on: I fight this weekend! In Iowa! I don’t know why I’m yelling! But yes, I’m boxing again this weekend. I have a few pounds to cut so I’m limiting what I eat and wearing trash bags all week (sauna suits) to make sure I come in at weight. Wish me luck.

But yeah, things are exciting right now. In about 40 minutes I have to sit down with my soon-to-be new boss and negotiate my starting wage. I’ve never successfully done that before but this time I hope will be different. I’m more confident in what I bring to the table. I’m more confident in myself and in my life. I hope you are, too. You deserve to be confident.

My anxiety? Depression? All still there. Oh don’t you worry, that shit never goes away. But I let it pass through me much easier now. I constantly remind myself to let things pass through me and not to fight with the negative emotions I have throughout the day. It helps. Just let it go through you–don’t wear yourself down by fighting your own emotions.

Phew, I blacked out writing that. I don’t think I’ll go back and edit. You get what you get, right?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MA!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quick Update: CO Trip

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I meant to write this yesterday but I was just a bit too tired. The girlfriend and I spent the weekend in Golden, CO and not to sound corny… but it was an absolutely golden trip.

Yeah, corny.

Anyway, it was a trip filled with no plans. We knew we wanted to hike. Where? We figured we would find that out when we were there. We did and it was an absolutely gorgeous (and tiring) hike.

We didn’t have food plans but we never had a bad meal. If anything, our lack of knowledge going into some restaurants surprised us in a good way.

I learned this trip that not everything needs to be in a routine. Sometimes it’s necessary to be impulsive and just choose what you want to do in that moment while you’re in that moment. You can worry about the consequences later (most of the time).

I enjoyed my trip. The girlfriend enjoyed it, too. Now it’s back to the daily grind but guess what? I’m recharged. Self care matters, people. Make friends with it.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

New Streak?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I put up a post yesterday while I was lying in bed sweating. If you missed it, well you missed that I missed writing a post for the first time in 168 days or something. I woke up devastated (and hungover). But I read an excerpt of a great book and it pushed me right out of that negative space.

So now my thought is… do I build up a new streak? I mean, it did keep structure in my life. It kept me focused on the task at hand and you lot ended up being an army of therapists for me. It’s kind of nice, ya know? But there is stress that comes with having to write every day.

Now that I think about it (see, I always say writing is so very important to think things through), I don’t believe I’ll give a shit about a streak going forward. I want to provide good content for you lot, my audience. You don’t need fluff. You want to read good shit, not a bunch of words just to hit a damn streak.

But thank you. Thank you for sticking through the streak with me. Some of you read every single post. I really appreciated that. Some of you commented your own thoughts and built a small conversation with me, I am so grateful for that.

I hope this blog keeps growing. I need to figure out how to make it grow. I’m not in writing for money but I would love to reach a larger audience (insert ad – kidding). I would love to chat with more people. If you have any ideas, maybe even a website revamp, let me know. I love hearing from you.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

I Didn’t Do It

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I’m actually sweating in a hotel bed at 6:18 AM but it’s not because I’m hungover. Slightly. No, the real reason is this: I forgot to write yesterday. There goes the streak. 168 days in a row… then nothing. Now we restart.

But there’s a cheat code! Considering I don’t normally wake up this early, let’s call this yesterday. Just kidding, the streak is ruined. I even tried to backdate this post and it failed. This should not be hitting me this hard.

Why is this hitting me so hard?

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Tomorrow I Travel

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

My titles are becoming quite matter-of-fact, aren’t they? It’s true–I am traveling tomorrow. Nothing exciting, just another trip down to Dallas for work. I’ll actually be back on Tuesday evening, so I’m not going to be there for long.

Today was hectic so far. I spent the morning coaching and training per usual, but followed it up with some complicated relationship shit and a bunch of a chores. I can’t decide which one was more tiring: relationship shit or chores. I think it was the stuff involving feelings. I seem to not be very good with those anymore. Was I ever? thinks back

I’m excited to travel because it gets me out of the house and out of my routine but not for too long. I’m ready to get out of the house. It will be nice to work from an office for a day or two I suppose. We’ll see. I mean, you lot know you will hear from me throughout the trip. That’s a given.

Make sure you enjoy the rest of your freakin’ day, OK?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Quotes From the Same Damn Book

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Things are a bit better today. I’m about to try a 10-mile run. Fun, right? I hope so.

It will be. What am I saying? I decide if it’s fun or not, not the run itself.

transition

Let’s go through some quotes from that one book I’ve been reading for… about two months, maybe longer. I really need to finish this damn thing. Anyway, the book is by Michael A. Singer, titled “The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself”.

It sounds cheesy and sometimes it is, but most of the time it isn’t. You take the good with the bad, right? Let’s get into it.

When you’re lost and struggling with all these psychological and energetic changes, you are suffering. White it may not seem to you that you’re suffering, compared to what it can be, you are suffering. In truth, the very responsibility of having to hold it all together is itself a form of suffering.

It’s a full-time task just to maintain the discipline necessary to create even the semblance of control and order in there (the psyche).”

When you truly awake spiritually, you realize you are caged.

Limitations and boundaries only exist at the places where you stop going beyond. If you never stop, then you go beyond boundaries, beyond limitations, beyond the sense of a restricted self.

So yeah, I liked those little pieces of the book. I only have a couple more chapters to go. It’s really one of those “take a little bite at a time” type of books if you know what I’m saying.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

NERVOUS

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

Quick post today. Wish me luck. I have a huge interview at 3 PM CT that could really change a lot for me. I’ve prepared for it but you know how our brains work – very unpredictable.

I’m hoping the best of me comes out. I tried everything in my power so far to pull him out – boxing, running, walking the dogs, eating a little something. It doesn’t seem to be working but maybe by 3 PM I’ll have a bit less anxiety.

I really hope I do well here.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.