Not Selling, but I Am Helping

Hi, everybody.

I’m not worried about streaks anymore. It’s so freeing, honestly. I thought writing every day was helping me, and it was, but not writing every day is helping me, too. Weird, right?

OK, so what to write about today? WORK! So you lot know I’m in sales if you’ve read 2-3 of my blog posts. If you’ve read any job-related posts over the past month or two, you know I’m struggling.

But I’ve found a loophole to not be attacked by management (even though they somehow love me and the VP said last week, “You are exactly what we need in our sales reps.”). It confused the hell out of me. But the loophole isn’t really a loophole. It’s something I wish I could actually get paid for – helping people. I’ve spent a good amount of my last week training and onboarding new employees along with helping others with their deals. Yes, it doesn’t put money in my bank account but it keeps my job secure and I’m helping people. That’s cool. I enjoy that.

It goes to show that if you are struggling in one area, most likely you’ll exceed expectations in another. Keep that in mind. But I really need a deal to close this week. Cross your fingers for me, please? Thanks.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.


Hi, everybody.

This will be quick because it’s just a freakout. It’s an issue I have EVERY SINGLE WORK DAY.

I need a new job. This shit is driving me nuts. Never have I been more lackluster in my efforts at a place of employment, even back in my serving and bartending days. The leadership sucks, the structure sucks, and our strategies suck. I need a way out – luckily I have an interview either later this week or early next week with another company that actually makes a damn difference in people’s lives.

But shit, I need to get out. When you’re struggling with your job, the worth of it, etc., what do you do to perk yourself up? Or do you just say fuck it, time to get a new job? I’m at the latter stages. I’ve given this job… about 5 months. It’s not getting better. If anything, it’s getting more and more disorganized. It’s shitty to see, but at least I’m seeing it for what it’s worth and trying to make moves out of it.

But again, WHAT DO I DO?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Early Start

Hi, everybody.

Last night was some hell, I’ll tell you that much. Not only did my company pry and pry for end of month closes, they also kept a conversation going till about 11 PM at night trying to pull in any deal possible before September hit. Honestly, I wish I was writing this in October (end of September) because I could make an easy, easy Green Day joke right there.

So yeah, that was stressful. Especially since I haven’t brought in a dime all month–but that happens sometimes, I do believe I will have an outstanding month this month as I’ve built a really, really solid pipeline.

But the stress is still there. I don’t wake up early usually, and definitely not for work purposes, but today I did. Today I made sure to wake up early and start climbing the charts. So far? Yeah, no results. But patience, baby, patience. It also doesn’t help that I worked till midnight last night after some heavy, heavy sparring rounds.

But enough bitching. I’m working from home with my dogs by my side. I have an endless supply of coffee and I have a decent amount of groceries. My bills are paid for the upcoming month. There are a lot of positives–but as you can probably tell, work is weighing heavily on my mind recently.

It will all shake out, right? As long as the work is put in, right? I sure as hell hope so.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Shift to Optimism

Hi, everybody.

I hope you’re doing well this morning. (You can tell I just typed an email for work just by that line itself.)

I woke up today feeling a shift. A good shift. An optimistic shift. Weird, yeah? So let’s break down what happened between yesterday where I posted something like “well, this is the end”, to now, where I’m talking about being optimistic.

The human brain is weird, man.

Yesterday I felt of no importance to anything that’s going on in this world–even in my world. Today I woke up, decided to treat myself to some extra sleep, and I’m just starting work at 8:45 AM. And guess what? I feel good about it. I feel good about today.

I really think boxing is the main charge behind my shift in moods. I sparred yesterday with a pro and honestly, I felt like I did a great job. Did he land more than one liver shot on me? Yes. Did that feel good? No. But you bet your ass I landed quite a few shots (and not just shots but combinations) on the guy. It felt good, even though I do have a bruise over my right eye and I might have overextended my right elbow (if that’s a thing). Anyway, ice will fix it all–that’s not the point.

Boxing is known as one of my passions. Something that keeps me going. But I know that’s not sustainable. I need to figure out what’s going on within me so I can better combat what happened yesterday and the day before yesterday. I think you should look at this problem, too. What can you do to better combat those negative days or moments? Once you figure something out, feel free to share. I’ll do the same.

I also had some wonderful help from my very best friend yesterday. He helped push me towards a new career–marketing–and I think it could be a great fit. Sales is getting a bit… meh for me. Hey, I made it four years. That’s not too shabby. Better than the 3-6 months I spent bartending at each bar before I left. My “loyalty” or whatever is much better now. Someone you can trust, kinda. I still have my meltdowns so you have to give me a break every so often.

It’s good to look outside yourself for help, ya know. I made sure yesterday to reach out to those I trust and to those I know will not judge me or dislike me for pushing back. Pushing back is natural for me. It’s a defense mechanism. It’s how my mind validates “ok, well this is bad, but doing THAT much sounds worse, so let’s just keep doing bad”. It’s fucked, I know. That’s why I’m grateful for the level-headed people I have in my support system. More importantly, I’m grateful for those who care enough to sit down with me when I’m feeling… well, like that crazy guy I always talk about (me). It’s helpful. I hope you have one or more of those people in your life. I really do.

When you’re dealing with someone with mental illness, I think a Walt Whitman quote should always pop into your brain:

Be curious, not judgmental.

Walt Whitman

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A (False?) Sense of Peace

Hi, everybody!

Welp, the girlfriend went to another country for a month so it’s just you and me for a bit! I’m excited, are you?

I woke up this morning feeling serene. I did my normal routine but the girlfriend did stop by for a quick dog walk prior to her departure. I will say I’m not doing the best at work, but I hope with less distractions (new relationships tend to create a natural distraction) I can pick up the pace a bit. Also, I was just told I have a new boss starting… today? Tomorrow? One of the two. Hopefully he’s a good guy. OH! I’ve always had some serious thoughts about getting out of sales. Maybe moving into marketing. Who knows.

But back to the peace thing. This is how I know the blog’s title makes sense. One morning I wake up feeling like dog shit, the next morning I feel like I can preach to the world about awareness and loving yourself. I’m striving to be somewhere in between, because let’s be honest… no one really wants someone to constantly say “love yourself” or “I’m dog shit”. There’s got to be a balance.

And today I woke up with that balance. I knew I had a long work day ahead of me paired with my second job. I know I have an extremely early and important meeting tomorrow morning that I need to prep for. But I’m doing OK. I’m not stressing. As Richard Miller says in one of his meditations, “I am aware and I am at ease”. I feel that today. I really do.

Peaceful. Quiet. Calm. That’s my day today. And I’m excited for it. What’s your day look like?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Face to Face Meeting!

Hi, everyone!

We’re back! I’m in Sales as many of you know. Today is a big day. The person who handled the state I live in was fired, so I asked to take over for her. First things first, I hit up some of my old contacts. BOOM! First outreach, first meeting booked. And guess what? It’s in person. It’s been… over a year and a half since I’ve had a business meeting in person. I’m fucking pumped.

I thrive in person, believe it or not. Online? Not as much but I still do well. I’m very excited to be able to be myself 100% and just have a conversation with the guy. A “no” is the worse that can happen. Don’t let “no” bring you fear. It used to scare me. Now I embrace it. You want to know what I really, really dislike? “Maybe”. Like… get out of here with that. Give me a yes or a no. It’s simple.

Is the world getting back to “normal”? Sure feels like it. I’m hoping I hit big on commission soon so I can get out to see my buddy on the east coast. Today’s my first step towards that.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

P.S. I had some wonderful quotes from Marcus Aurelius to post today but I think I’ll get those in later this week.

Exhaustion (Healthy & Unhealthy)

Hi, everyone.

Woah, did the interface change on WordPress? This looks different. The font is different. What the hell is going on.

Anyway, that’s not what we’re here to discuss today. Today we discuss exhaustion and the difference(s) between healthy exhaustion and unhealthy exhaustion. There’s a plethora of differentiators, so I’ll only go into a bit here and of course I’ll use myself as an example. What, did you expect something else?

Right now I’m experiencing a healthy exhaustion. Well, somewhat of a mixture, but mostly healthy. Probably should’ve went to bed a bit earlier last night, but other than that, my exhaustion comes from my daily output and input. What do I mean by that? It’s similar to how I’ve been told to look at my finances: Have more coming in than you have going out.

So how do we do that?

Well, for me, my days start with a zillion sales calls, multiple proposals/pitches/meetings, followed by workouts and hours of coaching. Outside of that, I mentor an hour or two a week. I also lead a BLM grant for a non-profit that takes quite a bit of my time. Now, if I just take a look at that, I see all those activities as events that could lead to unhealthy exhaustion. How do I avoid it? Well, it’s about taking in what you can. For me, that’s dog walks. That’s making sure I have a solid breakfast or lunch. Making sure I step outside and relax for a bit – AKA get the hell away from my computer. Talking with friends is another way to balance out. Stupid shit like video games. Really, there’s a million things and they’re all subjective. It’s up to you to make the choice on how to balance your output with what’s coming in for you. Only you know what recharges you in a healthy manner.

Unhealthy exhaustion for me is very simple to get to. Make sure you give your mind and body a moment to rest. To live in the moment. To be present. To respect yourself and all you’ve done not just now, but in your overall life. Balance yourself out. If you don’t, you’ll be drowning in that unhealthy exhaustion for days on end.

Healthy exhaustion is the goal.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.