Morning Monster

If you’re like me, you wake up without a clue on how you’ll feel for the rest of the day. And guess what? It’s our choice on how we want to feel. Now, do we get to that point of feeling good? That’s always up in the air.

I go to bed scared. Honestly, I do. It’s why I’m usually up till two, sometimes four in the morning. It’s scary as fuck to wake up. To bring your mind through its own warzone each & every day.

Wake up, look in the mirror, say you’re shit, take a shower, feel a bit better, get some food in ya, play with the dogs, see if the sun is out. Sun is out? Ah, damn, looks like you need to fill your day with shit. Ah, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, can’t really see anyone. What now? Do you read tonight? Maybe study? Will you have focus for that? Do you have any focus right now? Eh, maybe it’s best if you do everything tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better, right? Has to be.

I swear this thought process happens every morning for me right now. I don’t see an end to it. Each day is relatively the same. Yet, I do have my good days. These are days I need to build from. Days I need to recount when I’m having those shitty moments in the morning. Remember on long drives that I don’t always think negatively about myself. Stop torturing myself for my past.

Life’s full of ups & downs & guess what, we have to fucking deal with them. I’m sorting out mine. I hope you are, too.

Real quick, I read a quote not too long ago, forgive me for not remembering where I found it, but I want to put it on here.

“It’s OK to look in the past, just don’t stare.”

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.