Midday Exhaustion

Hi, everybody.

Well, it’s around 12:30 PM CT and guess what? I’m tired. I don’t know if I have trained my body to take a nap at this point of the day or if I’m just extremely bored and tired of what I do, but either way… here I am. In just the other room rests my bed. I can’t wait to see that sucker in a second.

But I didn’t want to jump into a nap before I discussed how this exhaustion makes me feel. Honestly, it feels like a limitation I can’t seem to get past. Maybe it’s a way to make my days go by faster. Maybe I need something new and exciting in my life. Or, maybe, just maybe, I need to stop thinking so deeply on something that could be looked as as so simple.


But why do I feel this exhaustion so consistently? I wake up in the morning and get my body going through a nice run, some sprints, and a dog walk. I always eat something healthy for breakfast. And yes, I do drink one cup of a coffee/cold brew a day. I think I have good habits in the morning.

As for night time, well, other things can be said about that. I’ll admit it, I don’t go to bed at a decent time, but honestly I’m just trying to wait out of the next day. Why? Well, I know it’s probably going to be similar to what I’ve just experienced in that previous 12-16 hours of consciousness.

Things seem bleak here, but they’re not. I’m just asking myself questions as I always do on this blog. If you have answers or advice to any of these questions, feel free to share. But again, this blog is made for me to work through personal issues and professional issues. It’s not made to help you feel better. Shit, it’s not even made to make me feel better. It’s here to help process information. That’s it. And so far it’s doing a great job at that.

Now let me lie down and take a nap, not process any information, then get back to my day. I do hope to find a way to keep my mind and body full of energy throughout an entire day, but I’m sure it will take time. This whole life thing is a journey and even though sometimes each day feels the same, we must acknowledge that they aren’t the same. Not even in the slightest. We feel different things every day. We respond differently every day. Our energy levels vary every single new day.

See? This blog is about processing. And it does a fine job at that. Thank you for reading.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Morning Monster

If you’re like me, you wake up without a clue on how you’ll feel for the rest of the day. And guess what? It’s our choice on how we want to feel. Now, do we get to that point of feeling good? That’s always up in the air.

I go to bed scared. Honestly, I do. It’s why I’m usually up till two, sometimes four in the morning. It’s scary as fuck to wake up. To bring your mind through its own warzone each & every day.

Wake up, look in the mirror, say you’re shit, take a shower, feel a bit better, get some food in ya, play with the dogs, see if the sun is out. Sun is out? Ah, damn, looks like you need to fill your day with shit. Ah, we’re in the middle of a pandemic, can’t really see anyone. What now? Do you read tonight? Maybe study? Will you have focus for that? Do you have any focus right now? Eh, maybe it’s best if you do everything tomorrow. Tomorrow will be better, right? Has to be.

I swear this thought process happens every morning for me right now. I don’t see an end to it. Each day is relatively the same. Yet, I do have my good days. These are days I need to build from. Days I need to recount when I’m having those shitty moments in the morning. Remember on long drives that I don’t always think negatively about myself. Stop torturing myself for my past.

Life’s full of ups & downs & guess what, we have to fucking deal with them. I’m sorting out mine. I hope you are, too.

Real quick, I read a quote not too long ago, forgive me for not remembering where I found it, but I want to put it on here.

“It’s OK to look in the past, just don’t stare.”

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.