Finally Got It

Hi, everyone.

Welp, it finally happened. I am Covid-19+. So far, the symptoms are quite intense but nothing I can’t handle as of now. It did just take me a solid minute to type out that last sentence, so the blurriness is real, but it could just be the copious amounts of Day/NyQuil.

I’ve reached out to everyone who I could’ve passed it along to – and I feel terrible about it. One of my friends will be missing work when she really, really needs to work. My boxers will be put on hold. It just kind of sucks.

But remember, on this blog we try to look at the bright side. We have to look at the bright side or else, well, everything just kinda sucks. I’m still here. My body seems strong enough to fight this virus. I will be healthy again.

I don’t take Covid-19 lightly and I don’t think anyone should. Should I have taken more precautions? Maybe. It’s easy to place blame or blame yourself during moments like these, but it’s important to remember: It just doesn’t fucking matter.

I’m going to be healthy again. My heart goes out to all those who lost someone near to them throughout this pandemic. That’s why I can’t stand a lack of responsibility within this pandemic. It’s not hard to wear a mask. It’s not hard to not go out when you’re exhibiting symptoms of the virus. It’s just not hard at all. Yet, here we are.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Before Boxing

Hi, everybody.

I now have TEN boxers. All very green, but promising! I’m writing this right now because I’m about to head out to coach a few. This is the best feeling I have during the day now. The moment right before I head to the gym. Right before I tell people to throw a jab, cross, angle out, toss another jab in there, throw a hook, & finish with a strong uppercut. Oh, make sure to jab out, too. Don’t want to get caught with shots when you’re finished with that combination.

Just typing that there got me pumped up. I fucking love coaching. It’s all I want to do. The relationships I make in this shit are PRICELESS. The vulnerability and openness people have with their coach is unmatched & I learn so much about the world, life, and other people’s lives each & every day.

I need to make sure to never take this for granted. Never turning this into a job. Keep it as a passion.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A Tip for Those Self-Defeating Types

It’s not like we like to feel bad about ourselves, talk bad about ourselves, and mope around all day (or do we?). But I learned not too long ago that unless we make one small change in how we talk about ourselves internally and, more importantly, how we talk about ourselves to our support system, it all falls apart. All of it.

I recently got out of a relationship. Many things factored into that, mostly my self-defeating and destructive other side. Also, I didn’t help myself when my good side was out, and all it took was one helpful tip from one of my best friends to shift that slightly. Oh, don’t think I got the girl back from this tip. It’s not that great of a tip, but still worth your time… I think.

It’s really quite simple. If you’re like me, you corner a friend or a relative that you trust and just GO OFF. It could be mass texts about how terrible you are, how you’ll always be alone, how no one can help you (it’s true, no one can… except yourself – you’ll probably get tired of me saying that). I mean it’s honestly quite amazing the terrible ways I can think to describe myself and how that other side manipulates me when it’s in control. I mean I say some scary fucking shit. It scares me, so I can only imagine what it does to my support system.

But my buddy had an idea. He actually gave me somewhat of an ultimatum, and I’ve thanked him for that. He made me make a decision. And what he asked wasn’t all that hard.

For me to continue to complain to him, bitch about this or that, and moan about how things could be exponentially better if I just had a different fucking mind, he needed me to provide a one positive thing about myself at the very end of my venting. That’s it. Just one.

An example (picture it as a text):
Me: I don’t know what the fuck to do, man, I’m losing a bit of myself every single day
Friend: something along the lines of “tell me more”
Me: I’m just an utter piece of shit. It’s honestly that simple. It sucks to think about, but maybe I’ll be like this forever. And if I’m like this forever, who the hell is gonna wanna stick around me?
Friend: listening
Me: I mean, I just fucking suck. I can’t even get through a single day without one meltdown. I can’t do ANYTHING. It’s like my mind is just fucking with me non-stop. I don’t know how much I can handle anymore.
Friend: OK, now tell me one positive thing about yourself. Just one.

That last line, that prompt to say one positive thing about myself, it sometimes made me laugh. But he told me if I didn’t start to say at least one positive thing about myself, he wasn’t going to be able to help/listen any longer. Man, I’m glad he told me to do that. Initially I wasn’t taking it that seriously and I’d plug in things like “I made a sandwich today” as my positive, but it still meant I was trying – or at least listened to what a valuable person in my life said to me. Sooner than later, I started to include it on a regular basis, and said more empowering things about myself that, in turn, would sometimes bust me out of the other side jail. I still sometimes slip up and forget to say that positive, but the thought always comes through, thanks to practice and a really, really good friend.

Again, I don’t know if this will work for you. I didn’t think it would work for me. But it kinda does. It’s definitely supplemental, along with most everything when it comes to treating/handling mental illness. And if you haven’t tried this already, try it. Even after reading this blog, just say one positive thing about yourself. It’s worth a shot, isn’t it? And wouldn’t it be nice if it just made any type of difference for you at all? I mean, we don’t have much more to lose here.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.