I Should Probably Write

Hey, everybody. Hope you’ve been well. Can’t remember the last time I put something up on here, so here comes another word vomit.

I’m selling my house soon. I was extremely excited about it, but now it feels like an overwhelming task. I can’t even keep a sleep schedule right now, how am I supposed to manage selling & buying a new house? My mental capacity is so very low right now, but what must be done must be done.

I also have a major test coming up in the month of November. Y’know, one of those tests that tells you if you’re smart enough to be in an MBA program. I’m a bit worried here, too, because… well, my mental capacity is extremely low. I’ve mentioned that before, haven’t I? I’m not poor at school, but I am experiencing a motivation drought. Oh how I long for the times where I’ve felt extremely positive, but those times come & go so quickly.

Managing stress is one of the most important skills you can learn throughout life. I’ve done a decent job at staying sane during these moments in my life through not expecting the world out of myself. Telling yourself that you will get this done, along with 100 other miscellaneous items, can be tasks too daunting for individuals like you & I to take head on. That’s why you must cut yourself some slack. Maybe you got 50 of those tasks done. That’s a win.

Don’t discount the work you’ve put in to get here. The reason you’re stressed is because so many things in your life are changing & guess what, most likely you’re the one creating that change. That’s a good thing. You can’t have a journey without multiple stops. Nothing is seamless.

What the fuck am I writing?

Anyway, just keep after it. Day after day, things will hopefully slow down for you like I hope they slow down for me. Who knows, maybe things will pick up even more – but I’m positioning myself to handle that. I hope you are, too.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

It’s Been a Minute

Hey, everyone!

It’s been a while. I do apologize. I’ve been in the shit.

However! Tomorrow I head off to Maine for eight days. Very, very pumped about it. It’s time for a trip filled with restoration & almost no expectations. It’s really freeing to have something like this booked. A week on the river, right by the ocean, just a couple kayaks & me. I have a rental car to skedaddle anywhere I want in the state & who knows where that will be!

So let’s talk about the shit. I haven’t posted in a week, why? Well, like I said, I’ve been in the shit. Self-motivation? Big fat NOPE. Self-care? Big fat NOPE. Crying? Big fat YES. But things change. They do. This week had shitty weather anyway, maybe it’s not even my fault. One thing I do know: Who cares! We have another day to live tomorrow, another breath to take right now, & another smile to unearth sometime soon, hopefully.

What am I going to do on my trip? Disconnect. I will have to work, but I’ve told my team that I will be delegating quite a bit of my workload next week. They understand. It’s nice to have coworkers that understand (they won’t understand unless you’re honest about your situation – try that sometime). I have a list concocted by a work acquaintance of the best street to shop in a certain city in Maine, the best trails, the best foods, the best everything. Very excited to use that resource as somewhat of a compass throughout the trip. Props to the person that cared enough to share the list, right? Some good people out there.

Most importantly, I’m going to be doing nothing. Not nothing in the sense of just sitting on the couch like I’ve been doing this week, but nothing in the sense of expectations. Sometimes those pesky expectations weigh you down, drive guilt into your cranium, and make that heart puff up to the point of uncomfortability. I’m getting away from that next week & I cannot wait.

Will I write next week? Most likely. I tend to write when I do quite a bit of thinking, & I believe I’ll be doing quite a bit of thinking. I mean, it is just me & some kayaks.

I’m bringing four to five books with me, all untouched. If I don’t like the first few pages, bang!, I’m discarding the book. Well, maybe, they’re quite expensive. My point is: I’m doing what I want next week. Nothing more, nothing less, & that feels AMAZING to type out.

I hope you lot had a fantastic week. I hope to be on here more, writing my own shit & reading some of your great posts.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Racing Thoughts

Sometimes the mind just won’t shut up.

Majority of the time, time moves slow.

When you add up those two concretes in my life, things can get a bit dodgy. Half of the day I spend inside my own head – hell, probably more than half of the day. If someone’s not communicating with me or if I’m not neck deep in a show, book, or video game, there’s a good chance my mind is toying with itself. Also, there’s a good chance I’ve had 2,949,820,439 thoughts within a span of five minutes – mostly all bad, some tragic.

Oh! But it must be good to be such an active, critical thinker, right? WRONG. I don’t think about the world’s problems during these times, hell, sometimes I can’t even focus on what’s going on around me. My EEG results proved that this week. Boy, I do not recommend getting that exam done if you’re experiencing depression and/or anxiety in clumps. It just adds to the clump.

I have been somewhat eating recently, which is nice. I mean, mainly it’s a couple yogurt cups, a few protein shakes, and a lot of bananas – but hey, it’s something, & I’m up four pounds. I’m sure I’ll lose it again, but I just have to keep pushing.

What do you guys do when time seems to recycle itself? I feel like I’ve woken up in the exact same moment on the exact same day for the past three to four days. It isn’t fun. It’s quite the opposite. My psych this week told me, “You aren’t crazy, at least.” MAN, SHUT UP. I’m growing tired of psych appointments, I’ll be honest. They leave me in a poor mood & it’s starting to feel like a prescription factory.

Anyway, I don’t have much to write today. I just noticed that I haven’t written in a bit & it felt wrong to leave you lot stranded. I know a few of you read my stuff as soon as it comes out & I appreciate you for that. This blog is quite helpful along this journey.

BUT we’re not done! I have to finish with a positive. Maybe a couple today? Who knows, feelin’ wild.

Positive #1: I planted all of the bushes needed to make my house sellable. Sellable? Yeah, sellable. I think.

Positive #2: I’m doing well at work & other companies are noticing. It’s nice to see that others see more out of me than I currently do myself. Maybe they’re onto something.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.