Tag: mental health

Breaking Exhaustion

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 3 Comments

Hi, everybody.

Good morning. I’m still trying to wake up and it’s 10:30 AM already. I’m through one cup of cold brew but nothing seems to be picking my energy levels up.

Food? Well, I had some yogurt and some fruit. I think I’ve nourished my body plenty so far today.

Really it comes down to getting myself to go to bed at a decent time. Even with my mental health somewhat in control nowadays, I still have an issue falling asleep any time prior to 2 AM. I’d really love that to change. Do any of my readers have any advice?

I don’t know why I stay up so late. Am I dreading the next day? Is my anxiety beating me up? Is my depression crippling me? Am I just not tired? I must be tired. I work all day, I box at night, coach at night, and talk with one of my buddies for a good portion of the night, too. It’s not like I’m doing nothing. I’m very busy, so my exhaustion comes from that. But it could be helped by going to sleep at a decent fuckin’ time. I need to figure this out at some point in my life. Waking up early in the morning to work out after a solid night of sleep sounds lovely.

I’m going to try to sleep a bit earlier tonight. I’m going to shoot for 1 AM. That’s an hour difference, an hour of improvement, and an hour to change.

This is one of the few times I’ve written and not really came up with a solution. So, my friends, please feel free to comment with what helps you wind down at night. We can all help each other, ya know?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Hell of a Day

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I have to make this quick. Also, I can’t really look at the screen while I type. I’m actually in the middle of a meeting. This meeting is from 9 AM – 5 PM over the next two weeks, so I’ll give myself a break for a quick blog today. Don’t feel too bad about it.

Let’s talk about yesterday real quick. Hell of a day. Did I tell you lot that I got my female boxer matched up? I think I did yesterday. I might fight on the same card. Who really knows right now.

Also, my dogs busted their heads through my living room windows during a meeting with my VP of Sales at this company. Super awesome. Glass everywhere. Dogs were fine. I freaked out. Yelled. Felt guilt after my dogs looked scared. Apologized. Gave treats. Retreated.

Then I reached out with anger but my support system (Pops) noticed I was reaching out with frustration and stress. He let me go to the gym to get some boxing in while he came over and fixed up my patch job. He told me he’ll have the windows fixed my Saturday. The man is a miracle worker. I’d be lost without him, honestly – well, for the most part. At least with household chores.

I really do need to start paying more attention to this “Boot Camp” (orientation) for work. I’m glad I took the chance to write to you lot. Have a fantastic day. OH! And if you’re graduating soon, congratulations!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pushing On

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Hope your morning is off to a great start. Mine is, now I await my 9 AM “Boot Camp” for my new job. Not pumped. It’s very repetitive.

I did have a slight meltdown yesterday. I had some issues with my mental health provider and their front desk. No, I wasn’t being a Karen, I promise. But I wasn’t happy. I almost fired my Psych & Therapist, but luckily they somewhat talked me out of it.

But this goes to show you that no matter how great you’re feeling, that lil’ bastard in the shape of depression, anxiety, or both can appear any time they feel it’s necessary.

Yes, I know we do have control. But I don’t believe we do all the time.

I fought through. Talked to the right people in my support system. Made sure to take care of myself through the sport of Boxing. Hell, I even got headshots done in the evening.

I pushed on, through, whatever you want to call it. I was aware and not at ease — now I’m aware and at ease. It’s a nice feeling. But more growth is necessary. And inevitable.

Push on, people.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Work “Boot Camp”

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

That exclamation mark is deceiving. I’m actually not excited whatsoever. It’s CULTURE time at the new company, meaning I have a two-week orientation starting today. And I’m not excited. I’ll probably tell you how unexcited I am about 50 times throughout this blog, if it lasts that long.

OK, but really, I’m not excited AT ALL. But I do like this company quite a bit, so I guess I’ll suck it up and push forward. Sometimes we have to do shitty shit in life to get to where we want to go. We all need to accept that. Your Instagram feed isn’t realistic, so don’t think that’s what life is supposed to be like. Life still comes with many ups and downs, lulls, and voids. Usually more of the latter than the former for most of us.

But stick in there. If you are about to embark on a two-week mission of misery, identify it. Then find a way to dominate it.

OPE! First “meeting” starts in five minutes. Gotta go.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Half Day By Surprise

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

I woke up this morning with three extremely painful fingers, a weak right wrist, lower back pain, and immense shoulder tightness. Wasn’t thrilled. Age is a factor when it comes to training, also my recovery sessions aren’t nearly good enough.

Well, I’ve told you lot before sometimes things just happen for us. I thought today I would have to sit in front of this computer and just sit in this slightly uncomfortable pain all day, but my boss messaged me early this morning.

“Have a good weekend?”

Easily, yes. I did have a great weekend. Not even a question.

He followed with, “Boot camp starts tomorrow, how about you take a half day today?”

Easily, yes. My body thanks you.

Now I get it, this is pure coincidence. “This won’t happen for me.” I can hear you yelling back at me already.

But I bet it does happen for you. Maybe not in this exact way, but the world isn’t out to get you. You might be out to get yourself, but no, the world isn’t out to get you. People might be, but you have the power to change who you surround yourself with, what you surround yourself with, and putting yourself in the right circumstances for good things to happen for you.

That’s what I’ve spent the last six months doing. Putting myself in better places, better circumstances so good things do happen. I couldn’t keep getting stepped on. I couldn’t get kicked anymore. I had to fight back and I had to make changes. I’m happy I did. I’m happy I realized I do have enough strength to beat my depression and anxiety, even if it’s just for a few moments a day.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Solid Sparring Rounds

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

Today is a great Sunday. Coach told me to go whoop that ass this weekend at a “rival” gym and that’s exactly what I did, and that’s exactly what our female boxer did to her sparring partner today. We walked out heads held high. I’m surprised we were invited back next Sunday.

I’m proud of my boxer. She works hard. Harder than me. Crazy thing? She’s in the middle of Ramadan. She doesn’t eat or drink anything if the sun is up. So think about that: She just sparred three 3-minute rounds, one with a pro, and now she goes the rest of the day without water or food.

You lot are probably reading this and saying “COACH, WHY ARE YOU LETTING HER DO THAT?”

She knows her body better than I do. And I trust her to tell me when she’s feeling tired. That’s what a good coach does. We don’t set limitations, but we understand them. It’d be counterproductive for me to set a limitation for her. She knows how hard she can push herself. We trust each other.

Good sparring rounds = one of my favorite ways to start the day. Made a couple guys quit today and for me, that’s huge. Last year at this time I was running a mile in 9 minutes and 17 seconds on average. Now I’m running it in 7 minutes and 6 seconds on average. And it’s only going down from here.

I’m working. I’m working towards something. We all should be working towards something. Find something that excites you. Go for it. Even if it means taking some punches to the gut, liver, and nose.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Make Time

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I almost made a crucial mistake today. I almost didn’t write to you lot. But I made time. (Do I always have to make the title make sense? I don’t know. Sometimes it’s cringe-y to do it.

Phew, that was close.

It’s another busy day. My weekends are usually jam-packed, but this weekend is a bit more mild–thankfully. No boxing training tomorrow afternoon. Just sparring at 9 AM mixed with training my Pops at 1 PM-ish. But the boxing isn’t done today. It’s just getting started.

Amateur boxing is back where I’m at! A show starts at 2 PM and my boxers will see amateur boxing for the first time. I bet you one of them decides not to box after the show. I think everyone else will be inspired and motivated by what they see.

Anyway, I NEED TO SHOWER AND LEAVE THE HOUSE! I appreciate you reading my shit. I really do. I hope your weekend is going well. If it isn’t, well, I’m sure you will figure it out. We always do if we try.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Fighting Your Toxic Thoughts

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone!

Hope everyone is havin’ a fantastic Friday. It’s a beautiful day here in the Midwest, honestly it is. I love the Spring months here.

OK, “fighting your toxic thoughts”, what do I mean by that? Well, there’s a specific example happening right now with one of my boxers. As you lot know, I am all ears when it comes to mental health and love when my fighters feel they can express their darkest, most inner secrets. Most of the time it’s one thing they’re hiding from the outside world: their mental illness(es).

It’s crazy to me how people, still to this day, are embarrassed by their mental struggles. EVERYONE struggles slightly with the mentals. Do you struggle more? Maybe, but that’s not the point in this blog or in life.

One of my boxers trained with me 1:1 multiple times, I’m talking countless hours, yet the boxer still comes up with excuses like “Ah, my mind just won’t work today.” or “I’ve just felt like crying all day.” And these are VALID things to bring up to your coach, don’t get me wrong. But the way you attack this as a boxer, as an athlete, as a competitor, as a human, is to understand that yeah, my mind might be a little bitch sometimes, but I can do something about it. Can I change everything about it? Oh hell no, not even close, but I may be able to buy myself some time if I really focus those efforts on what I can change.

Even though we’re all here with mental illnesses, we can’t let that be our shield while getting back into the world. If so, you’re never truly back. We can’t let our mental health be an excuse, although sometimes valid, to not be the best we can fucking be.

Let’s beat this shit, people. You, me, all of us, we can do it. Focus on what you can control. Screw the rest. Know you’re the best. Holy shit, I rhymed right there.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Morning Mind

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 1 Comment

Hi, everybody.

You can tell I’m running out of topics. I think I’ve titled something like this before, but honestly can’t remember. Also, don’t feel like doing a quick search. Deal with it. However, it does look like I need to sit down and write down a list of possible future topics. For now, deal with it.

Morning thoughts aren’t like shower thoughts. Not crazy. Not profound in any certain way. Just thoughts. Usually lackluster thoughts but clear thoughts. At least that’s what mine are in the morning. More of a problem-finding type of deal than a problem-solving type of deal.

Does that make sense? Maybe? OK, good enough.

I can’t decide if I should truly take a day off from training, but I think my sore body will help my mind out with that decision.

I have a woman over that’s really nice but I would like some alone time today.

I overbooked myself again. Tonight will be a shitshow.

I’m tired. I wouldn’t mind if my morning thoughts rolled back into/under a blanket.

I love watching my dogs play in the morning. I think I’ll end with this, especially since I stopped writing to take some photos and videos. I completely lost my train of thought, and maybe that’s a good thing.

Let’s just enjoy this day. Enough thinking.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Overslept (For A Reason)

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone!

Today I slept till 8:30 AM CT. Why? Because I’m fucking exhausted, that’s why. Did I push it a bit with work and my 9 AM meeting? Kind of, but karma was on my side. That meeting was pushed back to 10 AM.

Why did I oversleep? I mentioned it: Exhaustion. But I’ve spoken about this before: It’s a good exhaustion. It comes from hard work through my passion, which if you don’t know by now is boxing. Multi-mile runs, plenty of bag rounds, sparring, and sprinkle in some coaching…. boy, does it tire you out. I have no clue how my head coach has done it for so many years, but one day I hope to be like him.

As always, I don’t have too much to type today. It’s a relatively relaxed day for me. Work till about 4 PM, hit the gym for an hour, and sneak a mile run in sometime during the day. Then it’s date night! (I still need to figure out how to get out of this “relationship” as my buddy calls it. I’ve been clear about it NOT being a relationship with the woman, but I don’t think that message firmly sits in her head. I gotta figure this out.)

OK! What a weird blog.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.