Tag: medication

Back To It

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

I’ve failed miserably over the past few days. I recently spoke with my psych & we both felt comfortable moving me to solely anxiety meds, no more anti-depressants.

I don’t know if that was a good choice. I can’t tell if it’s me, if it’s the drugs, or if it’s my current environment, but I’ve never thought so much about ending things than I have over the past few days. It sucks to admit, but hey, this is why I write. So you know. So I know. So we all can hold each other accountable.

I’m lost right now. I still think about my ex far too much, I’m lonely as fucking hell, & I don’t know if I’ll ever find happiness within myself for a substantial period of time. I’m running out of options. I’m running out of hope. I feel like I’m running out of time.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

On A Roll

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

These are halftime thoughts, really. Everton is playing Manchester United in the League Cup. I think I have about seven to eight minutes to finish this post. Oh, score is 0-0 if you’re wondering. United look more likely to score. Edinson Cavani is a baller.

OK, so we need to connect to the title. I mean, really, we spoke about soccer (yes, I’m American, I say soccer). Soccer balls roll, so this post is pretty much complete.

What the fuck is wrong with me sometimes?

No, the reason I’m writing to you today is two-fold:
1. Family member I’m staying with has COVID, therefore I’m on lockdown as well
2. I’m on a fucking roll with blogs, there’s no denying it

Funny thing is I’m not even trying to write more often. It’s just happening. I told myself I wanted to be active on this blog back in August when I started it. I’ve been more than excelling past my own expectations of myself for this $42/yr website. Totally worth every penny.

It’s funny how like … I’d say 85% of the followers are bots. WordPress has some issues there, definitely. I hope some of you out there read this stuff & get something from it. I mean, go back to some August 2020 or September 2020 posts. Fucking tragic. Yeah, some posts now are just as tragic, but let’s not pretend there’s no improvement.

OH, I’m down to my original medication, too. Once a month for therapy instead of the weekly followed by bi-weekly.

Lots of information for you lot, I know. Back to the game! Life rolls on! (I’m so sorry for that.)

I wish you well. Try not to beat yourself up.

Update: You people made me miss one minute & fifty-four seconds of the second half. How dare you.

Requesting Advice

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

I’ve spoken positively, I think, a few times on this blog about psychiatry and therapy. They’ve been good to me at times, but they’ve also made me feel helpless at times.

Today’s another day where I don’t have many thoughts outside of my own filth. Today started with a trip to see my psychiatrist & that visit ended horribly. First, I was seven minutes late, which meant they couldn’t tell me the results of my EEG that I took two weeks ago. That pissed me off. Also, the doctor was eight minutes late so it didn’t make much sense in the first place.

I didn’t handle that well. I blew up, kinda, in typical me fashion. I have so much disgust for how mental health is treated that I sometimes attack those who work in the space. Again, not fine moments for me. I’m always disappointed in myself when I resort to that style of … problem solving? I don’t know.

Anyway, I need your advice. Today I was prescribed two new medications based off a cotton swab test that checks how well your liver is metabolizing the medication. Funny thing is, the medication I was on was metabolizing just fine & it showed in the test results, however, I never felt any better on the meds.

My psychiatrist told me today that he’s here to “prescribe medication” and “there’s not much else I can do” – it really sucks hearing that. It does. I know it’s the truth, but I wish it wasn’t. I have to wait another 30 days to see if these medications do anything, and there’s no telling if they will or not.

So here’s my question(s), and hopefully someone responds with a tidbit of advice. How do you handle negative feelings towards psychiatrists/therapists? How does switching medication impact you? Have you found any other way outside of medication to help yourself have more & more better moments each day?

I just can’t figure it out. And it’s scary to not know. It really is.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.