I Should Probably Write

Hey, everybody. Hope you’ve been well. Can’t remember the last time I put something up on here, so here comes another word vomit.

I’m selling my house soon. I was extremely excited about it, but now it feels like an overwhelming task. I can’t even keep a sleep schedule right now, how am I supposed to manage selling & buying a new house? My mental capacity is so very low right now, but what must be done must be done.

I also have a major test coming up in the month of November. Y’know, one of those tests that tells you if you’re smart enough to be in an MBA program. I’m a bit worried here, too, because… well, my mental capacity is extremely low. I’ve mentioned that before, haven’t I? I’m not poor at school, but I am experiencing a motivation drought. Oh how I long for the times where I’ve felt extremely positive, but those times come & go so quickly.

Managing stress is one of the most important skills you can learn throughout life. I’ve done a decent job at staying sane during these moments in my life through not expecting the world out of myself. Telling yourself that you will get this done, along with 100 other miscellaneous items, can be tasks too daunting for individuals like you & I to take head on. That’s why you must cut yourself some slack. Maybe you got 50 of those tasks done. That’s a win.

Don’t discount the work you’ve put in to get here. The reason you’re stressed is because so many things in your life are changing & guess what, most likely you’re the one creating that change. That’s a good thing. You can’t have a journey without multiple stops. Nothing is seamless.

What the fuck am I writing?

Anyway, just keep after it. Day after day, things will hopefully slow down for you like I hope they slow down for me. Who knows, maybe things will pick up even more – but I’m positioning myself to handle that. I hope you are, too.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Scattered Focus

As we continue down this path of getting to know me, I thought it might be time to address what I like to call “scattered focus”. It’s a pretty self-explanatory term, but I’ll explain it. Scattered focus, for me, is very simple: I have intervals where I’m focused, like during the work day or in my workouts. These are moments in the day where my mind is completely present, mostly aware, & I don’t have 14 random thoughts racing through my mind.

I love these moments. My moments of focus really drive me to the next day majority of the time. One of my all-time favorite therapists that I’ve had & it’s really sad typing that out… hahahahahaha. Sorry, “my all-time favorite therapist” like it’s a Greatest Hits album. Jesus, this life.

Anyway, one of the only therapists I had great success with told me to focus on the small happinesses in life. Focus on the little things. I think I’ve went over this with you lot before, but I want to really stress it here. My moments of focus are also moments of small happiness, sometimes BIG happiness. It’s important to note that stuff, you know. Important to note the wins you have throughout the day, no matter how sparse they are.

Even within my writing you can tell that my focus isn’t always there. I don’t know what I typed two paragraphs ago & there’s a good chance half of this shit doesn’t connect with the other half. So what? I’m sure there’s some good stuff in here. Not everything has to be a winner. I started this blog with no focus & from writing I’m able to grasp some focus. That’s pretty cool.

What am I talking about again? Focus. Focus. Focus. Let’s look at the opposite side of that. What’s that look like, man? It isn’t pretty.

Have you ever looked down at a page… eh, let’s just use an example. My GRE prep book. Holy shit. I know I’m not stupid, but when I look down at those pages, my mind scatters. It has no clue what to pick up on or where to start. Did I used to be like that? No, I used to be just fine in school if I applied myself/went to class. Now? I want to be in class, I want to learn, yet something in my mind is saying I better not. I’ll embarrass myself if I take that test. I’ll never get an MBA. Will you even make it to the next day? What’s the point?

Yeah, trying having that little bugger roaming your mind all willy-nilly when you’re trying to learn how to do fucking fractions again. HA. God, it sucks.

And no, I will not take any damn Adderall or Ritalin. Noooooo way. That shit turns me into the Grinch. I am looking for natural solutions to solidify my focus. If you have any tips, please share!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.