Tag: help

If You’re Like Me, Read This

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

A friend who shares somewhat similar struggles as me recommended a book recently. Usually I say “OK, I’ll read it” and never follow through.

Well, it helps your recommendation to be read if I’m attracted to you. And that’s the case here. But boy, am I glad I listened to her and my attraction.

What’s this book? Published in 2007, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer, provides a gut punch to your inner self. The battle between outer vs. inner. You know, a lot of what this blog is about. At least that’s what I’ve read so far.

Pick the book up if you want to. I’m three chapters in and it’s already caught my eye. Enough so where I’m recommending it this early. Hell, the book could be absolutely terrible by the end of it all. But if you pick it up, at least read through chapter three.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Confusing Days

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Sometimes my days consist of me fighting off all the negativity within my head. Today was one of those days—and I never got ahold of it.

I know I can drop this moment and move forward, move past it. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter—right?

Wrong.

I need to figure out why I have so many poor days. So many days where my mind traps my body. I speak about awareness, but I have so much to work on in that area. Let’s do this together, yeah?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

I’m Back

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

I know, it’s only been a day, but I’m back because I’m bored. I’m just too damn efficient at work. I type too fast, call too fast, organize too fast, so fast that I end up with 3-4 hours at the end of the day to do… well, this?

So I’m writing to you lot once again. Tonight I have sparring in a different city–I’m excited about that. Outside of that, I’m feeling rather lonely. My best friend started his job and it’s a serious gig, so no more late night vidjie games with him. I know, I’m 30. I should have better things to do.

The thing is, where I live the only options I have are… well, unhealthy options. Going out for drinks, grabbing food (I tend to order SO MUCH that I’m allergic to), and/or sleeping with women. Yeah, my options seem limited. I mean, most of my buddies have a wife and kid(s). But maybe I’m limiting myself.

I spoke about hobbies a week ago. Sadly I haven’t yet find the time on the weekends to look into these further, but photography is #1 on the list. So let’s send out a couple questions to the readers here.

If you were starting off in photography, what would be your first purchase to get going?

If you were starting off in photography, would you recommend taking a class or learning outside of a classroom?

Thank you in advance.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Blogging During Meetings

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

As you know if you’ve read my recent posts, I’m currently at a Quarterly Business Review for the company I work for. First time meeting my new colleagues! Everyone has been great so far.

To be honest, I’m extremely bored listening to everyone say the same thing during their presentations, so I decided to write to you. I have to type quietly so I don’t get in trouble.

I’m enjoying the conversations we’re having in this room. It’s collaborative and helpful–much different from my last company. I was scared leaving my last company, moving to something new and more challenging, but now I’m happy I took a bet on myself. When’s the last time you bet on yourself? Do it more often–it’s worth it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

UPDATE: I did not get caught typing out this blog. Nice.

Helping People Selflessly

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

I hope you’re doing well today. I am, even though I happened to fall asleep on the couch last night (usually that messes up my back REAL BAD).

Today’s another good day. Feels like it’s more routine now to wake up in a good mood rather than a bad mood. What do I attribute that to? Well, you lot know I attribute a lot of my mental health successes to this blog, my support system, and remaining aware. However, helping people provides an extra boost to my overall mental health. Why? Well, I finally have the mental capacity to help others without ME in mind. It’s finally getting to the point where it’s selfless help rather than “pat me on the back for helping” help. There’s a difference.

So what’s allowed me to help more freely without keeping myself in the picture? I don’t quite know. That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I think it’s just becoming more and more natural the more I stay aware and the more I practice.

Everyone tells us we can do anything we put our minds to. I don’t believe that one bit, but I like the general sentiment of the statement. And we can do PLENTY that we put our minds to, just not all. Helping others selflessly is one thing I put my mind to and it’s starting to finally come together. Do I still feel good when I help people? Yes, but I’m trying to eliminate the self from helping others, so that needs to change.

I don’t know if I confused you here. I hope I didn’t. If you have questions, please feel free to comment below. I love chatting with you lot!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Pressure

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everyone.

I’m beginning to feel immense pressure to succeed in everything. I’m not mad about it – I think pressure is needed at times to enhance growth. However, falling asleep at 8 PM on a Saturday and waking up at 3 AM because of pressure isn’t a good thing.

So what’s keeping me in this pressurized space? I have a girlfriend now and I forgot how much time I need to set aside to spend time with her. I honestly forgot. I enjoy her company but I enjoy my time – mainly because I need to get shit done, like blog. Oh, and blogging is a bit of pressure. I know none of you expect me to keep the streak alive, but I expect to keep the streak alive. Why? No clue.

What else? Oh, I’m not doing the best at work. I’m not doing terrible, but I’d like to be doing a helluva lot better.

I’m supposed to be boxing competitvely shortly but it seems like I’m just training to train. I don’t know if my coach will ever match me up again and it’s bothering me. Why? Because I feel the pressure to continue to get better each and every day. I haven’t taken a rest day in two weeks. I am bothered by the fact that my stamina isn’t where it needs to be, but it doesn’t make sense to be bothered. Why? Well, I don’t have a fight lined up.

Money. Well, if you’ve read my last few posts, you know I’m fucked with money. I’d rather not talk about the pressure there.

There’s plenty more but I didn’t come on here to bitch to you lot. I came here seeking advice. What do I prioritize? How do I say no to things? How can I take some time for myself without sounding like a dick to my girlfriend and close friends? What the hell do I do to alleviate this pressure?

Back to it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

C’MON, MAN

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Yeah, aggressive title.

My dog chewed through another couch. Not the brand new one, but what was left of the other couch he chewed up (it was a sectional). Not fun to come home to. Not fun.

I don’t know what to do next with this little guy. He’s good six out of sevens days of the week. But when he messes up, he messes up. And believe me, I try a lot to get it to stop.

I do a pseudo command thingy my buddy taught me. That works majority of the time. Not all the time. It needs to work all the time. I spray a taste and smell deterrent on the items he’ll most likely chew up (COUCHES) before I leave. I make sure he gets plenty of exercise, usually fetch and two walks a day. That’s enough. Also, there’s another dog here he loves to play with. He has enough resources in front of him to be an absolute perfect doggo.

I chalk it up to the pandemic. He’s so attached that he sometimes suffers from separation anxiety. Will he ever not chew up a valuable couch? Who the hell knows. He’s lucky he’s cute.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Finding Time for Myself

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Here I am, again, struggling to find time. Struggling to achieve anything outside of what others want from me. This weekend I have a surprise 30th birthday party, training, mandatory landscaping work, a date, and somehow I need to get my week ready for work next week.

It’s becoming a bit too much. I’m drowning. I’m waking up disappointed, defeated. I go to bed later because I don’t want the responsibilities of the next day to fall on me.

Is this being an adult? Having a calendar and literally just making sure I’m going to everything I’ve lent a commitment to (purposefully or forced)? It can’t be. I want to travel. I want to get out and do more things for myself. I want to be selfish right now before this becomes a problem and drops me back to where I was.

Sadly, I don’t know how to do that. Telling people “no” isn’t my thing. Also, I use a lot of my time to help others, whether it’s resumes or boxing, so without me around, where do they go?

Anyway, sorry for bitching. I’m struggling again. This upcoming weekend isn’t exciting for me, it’s just more work.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Waiting at Vet

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Title is pretty self-explanatory. I’m at the vet. Both dogs getting juiced up with their yearly shots so I decided to write to you lot. Hopefully they’re drowsy the rest of the day, right? I could use a break from their energy.

So what’s on the agenda today? BOXING! And fixing up a boxing club that’s been in the community for 43 years. It’s a tremendous place run by one of the best men you could possibly meet. He’s run this club for FORTY THREE years. And it’s all been free for inner city kids to come box and compete out of there. You hear that? 43 years of service to community. All to help, not for money. Pretty damn cool.

Combat sports are cool. The community is even cooler. You would think we’re all jerks who want to beat everyone up, but it’s quite the opposite. Now put us in a ring with someone and yeah, we want to beat that person up. But I’ve never seen a more helpful and inclusive community than the boxing community here where I live.

I’m excited to go down there and paint some more, bullshit with the coaches, and give my boxers hell for messing up on the trim.

Today’s another busy day, but another good busy day. I’m excited for today. I hope you are, too. If you aren’t, think about volunteering some of your time. It’s never a wasteful act.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Lessons Learned in Florida

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

In about 45 minutes I hop on a plane back to the Midwest. I was supposed to be out here till tomorrow, but I decided it was best for me to head back a tad bit early. Need to recalibrate.

While I was here, I learned more about my mind. Well, my mind learned more about itself. Now I’m just confusing myself. Let’s move on.

So what did I learn? Let’s start with the negatives, and I only call them negatives because I’m too tired to think of a better way to describe them.

I am too dependent on cannabis for my anxiety and sleep. I need to take initiative there and slow down, but it’s another internal struggle for me. I’ve never been told to limit my medications or to drop dosages on the anti-depressant and anxiety medication. The back of my mind asks, “What if this is the best medication for you?”.

I wonder that quite a bit. The benefits I receive from cannabis are extremely helpful. Yes, in an ideal world for myself, no substance would be needed. But I’m not at that point yet. And from what I’ve learned/further reinforced from this trip is I do need to admit to some dependency with the substance. I’m a former addict. If anyone knows dependency, it’s this guy. I don’t plan on quitting, but it’s never good to travel and realize how important it is for your sleep and well-being. And it shouldn’t be. The first night I slept in Florida, I woke up 4-5 times in a heap of sweat, battling nightmares, ugly things from my childhood. It wasn’t fun and I’m quite honestly exhausted due to my poor sleep over the past few days.

But here’s the positive. I’ve established I struggle the first couple of days when I’m without cannabis. That’s something I’m now aware of and something I can work on. That’s a positive. And a challenge.

My tension with my parents is still at an all-time high, which bothers me more than you would think. I kick myself daily for the first way I treat my parents at times, but it’s pointless to kick myself. Being aware of this and keeping it present in my mind is what I need to do moving forward if I want to enable change within myself. Understanding that is a positive. Also another challenge.

I’ve further reinforced my need for communication. Silence isn’t my friend right now. A goal of mine now? Embrace the silence. Understanding silence can be a positive. Also another challenge.

So here I am in concourse D, writing to you lot. Making sure I put this down in writing so the challenges are real, so they aren’t forgotten. That’s a positive. Writing makes things real for me.

But I’ve been through plenty of challenges in my life and I’ve kept growing as a person. Yeah, sure, I lack in a lot of basics like finance and handyman work, but I make up for it with my understanding of myself and understanding of others. There’s different types of smart. Using what you’re best at can be so very important for your life and those you surround yourself with.

I wasn’t adding anything positive to my family’s trip, so I took the initiative to leave early. Do I feel a bit of regret? Yeah, of course. Am I happy I had the guts to do it? Yeah, because it was not only beneficial for me, but for my loving and understanding family. My darkness shouldn’t impact their time away.

I love my mother and father very much. I teared up a bit typing that. I hope they know I’m truly attempting to become a better person, a better son each and every day. Sometimes it’s evident, sometimes it looks as if I’m moving backwards.

But I’m not. All of this is part of my growth. Any hardships you’re facing, whether internal or external, should be considered a part of your growth. Letting them become obstacles can be detrimental to your mental health. Look at them as challenges. Look at them the way I am right now: This is part of learning about myself, which will be an ever-present process in my life. And it will be for you, too.

I’m happy to head home. However, I’m even more excited for my next trip because I’ve increased what I know about myself. I’ve understood what I need to do to help myself (and in turn, help those around me) in the situations I mentioned above. I’m happy with myself. I hope you’re happy with yourself today. You should be.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.