What The Hell Have I Been Up To?

Hi, everybody!

I told you things change. Yes, I may be temporarily staying at my parent’s house right now but I am so ready to purchase a house. More money in my savings account than ever! Who woulda thought crippling depression increases what’s in your wallet?

I’ve been on quite a few dates since you & I last spoke. Some strictly carnal, but I may or may not have a new “girlfriend” or someone I’m “exclusive” with. I honestly hate labels. Applies too much pressure if you don’t have the right state of mind. Anyway, it feels good to be wanted again. Also, moving back to my hometown brought me much joy thus far. I’m going out with friends (wearing a mask, calm your tits) more, I recently saw my buddy from NJ – sadly he was hit with some alcohol poisoning so really I just annoyed him as he tried to sleep off a massive headache.

I have more to write about than I have for the past eight months & it feels so damn good. Everyone, keep fucking fighting. Yes, I still have my issues. Yes, I still lose my cool quite often. Yes, I’m still wondering where this live leads. However, I know more about myself now than ever thanks to a little friend called depression.

You can fucking do this, you know that? I really hope you do. I was very close to ending things for myself over the past few months. Hell, sometimes I still think about it, but I won’t do it. Thanks to you guys, I definitely won’t do it. What would by 86 followers (mainly bots) do without my writing? I’m WAY TOO IMPORTANT.

Nah, seriously. I am too important to get rid of myself. You are, too.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Finding Joy in Simplicity – Or the Other Way Around

There’s one chore in the day that I always brings me joy – actually, if I didn’t get this one chore done, I’d probably be on the other side of joy.

You’ll never guess what it is. It’s too simple. Way too simple. Doesn’t make any sense, really, as to why it provides joy. But it does.

The simple chore is watering my garden. Yes, you’re probably thinking, “This dude is about to write a blog on watering his garden,” and you’re probably right. We’ll see where the keyboard takes us. And if it takes us there, so be it.

I’ve asked myself many times why this 30-40 minute chore lights up my day. I really can’t figure out an answer to that question, and quite frankly, I don’t think it matters. Maybe I’ll get to that by the end of this blog – usually that’s what happens. Ah, the power of writing and self-exploration. Anyway, what matters is the end result: Joy.

I start with my garden beds, filled with way too many peppers, tomatoes, and herbs. I wish I had a few more people in my life to share these with, but I do my best to bring the Shishito peppers to a certain friend and the hot peppers to a friend that enjoys stuffed cheeseburgers. My mother loves tomatoes, so she gets priority on those. You’d think that’s what would bring me joy, but it’s not. Yes, giving is something is fulfilling and should never be taken for granted, but allowing growth and life by a simple action of turning on some water… that’s where the joy comes from for me.

Also, have you ever just stopped and watched a sprinkler do its job? It really is mesmerizing. Highly recommend.

I recently purchased a couple of bushes for the front of my house. Two plants that I’m really proud of – yes, I’m proud of my plants. They’re doing quite well, thank you very much. Each evening, right around 8 PM CST, I go outside and water those two new additions to my garden family. Each time I inspect the health of the bushes & notice the immense growth these bushes are experiencing. That’s what brings me that joy I keep harping on about. See! We ended up with a reason for the joy! Again, the power of writing and self-observation.

Why are these new bushes growing? Well, the sun helps, obviously – but the genuine joy I have when I water my garden helps, too.

I do want you to get something out of this blog. I know what I want you to get out of this. It’s something that one of my favorite therapists said to me years back after getting over an intense breakup: Celebrate the small happinesses in your life.

Now, what’s that mean? What constitutes a small happiness? Again, it’s quite simple. Did you make yourself a sandwich today & enjoy that sandwich? That’s a small happiness. Did you open the door for someone today and receive a thank you? That’s a small happiness. The list goes on and on, but really it’s about appreciating the simple things in life as much as the complex.

Don’t take anything for granted. When I move from this house, I’ll miss my garden. However, I’ll start another one, and I’ll water it each & every day.

Joy is something we don’t experience every day. Notice that. Understand that. Also understand that we don’t experience it because we don’t allow ourselves to experience it. It always comes down to the “bigger” things in life, but joy can come from some of the most customary acts in our life.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.