Tag: happiness

Rainy Day But Good Day – Good Everything, Actually

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody. Quick brag blog! OOO-WEE.

I hope you’ve had a good couple past weeks. I’ve had my ups and downs, but mostly ups. I have a fight at the end of the month! Excited for that. A bachelor party next weekend. Excited about that. And I’m heading to a college football game for tailgating/the game today. Excited about that.

I met someone new, too! Nothing major yet, but she’s really nice. A nurse. Kinda cool. Smart, funny, seemingly accepting. We’ll see where that goes. Probably nowhere, but hey there’s hope.

I’ve slowed down a lot of the extracurricular shit in my life and focused a lot on career recently, and it’s paid dividends. My company is very happy with my performance and I received a raise this week!

My body feels healthy, my mind feels healthy majority of the time, and I have a genuine sense of joy majority of the time. Again, excited about that.

Today was a blog to brag. I feel good about myself. I’m pretty sure my past blogs have been pretty Debby Downer, so I hope this one gives you a bit of a boost to remember the cool shit happening in your life. It may not be big life events, either. It could just be a really dope sandwich you had. Celebrate that shit.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

I Need To Write

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hello, everybody. Good morning.

I put a reminder in my phone last night to blog, but on Thursday. I couldn’t wait. I don’t have much to say, but I’m sure that will change as I continue to type this out.

I’m currently at the dog park. This is my routine now: Wake up at 5, work out, dog park, work, work out/coach, stay up far too late, and repeat. It’s not sustainable, but I’m somewhat enjoying it.

My main problem right now are my relationships with people. Family, friends, potential romances. I’m shut down and closed off from it. I’m not finding joy in people or myself, and it worries me.

So what can I do about that? Not quite sure. Started with this — and I have my monthly therapy session on Friday. Things usually turn around, but I’d love some stability with my happiness. I know it’s on me, but I promise I’m trying. It’s just not easy. Never let anyone take that validation away from you. You feel how you feel – and only you know how strong that grip is around you. No one else.

I think I’ll start by continuing my routine, and maybe I step outside my comfort zone and ask a woman to dinner this week. Maybe I go grab a drink with a friend. But hopefully? Hopefully I find happiness within myself. And I hope the same for you, too.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

2022 – So What?

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody!

The title reads in a negative light. It isn’t supposed to. My bad.

Tomorrow we start 2022! To be completely honest, I’m not at all a “NEW YEAR, NEW ME” type of person, but I am proud of what I’ve accomplished this year. And I’m proud of the ones around me. Grateful, too.

This year had its ups and downs, that’s for sure. But if we were to sum it all up, I think the ups outweigh the downs. And that’s what we want, right?

This year has been about awareness for me. Truly the first year I’ve really focused in on it – and boy am I glad I did so. I’m aware of how I feel so much more often now and CAN STOP myself from doing horrible things and/or saying terrible things.

I’ve also grown professionally and grown physically. Mentally I’ve grown. All year – growth!

Have you checked in with yourself in a bit? You should. I bet you surprise yourself with all the awesome stuff you did this year (and no, it doesn’t have to be a trip to Jamaica or some shit).

Good luck in 2022. Thanks for tagging along with me on these blog posts. I appreciate you all pushing me to write more and more. It helps.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

I Just Feel Like It

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Today’s been exhausting (in a good way) and it’s flown right past! Soon I’ll be off to training/coaching (next fight is November 6).

So why am I writing to you lot today? I really don’t know. It’s almost as mysterious as this allergic reaction happening on my face (The doc just said to put coconut oil on it…). I don’t have much to talk about, really. I just felt like I should check in and say hi, maybe see how you’re doing, and go about my day.

So, how are you?

If you were to ask me that question, I’d say pretty damn good. I’m not the best I’ve ever been but I am being the best person I can be at this time. And that’s important to note: AT THIS TIME. I’ve done a much better job of staying in the moment recently – maybe that’s why my mental health has been a bit better over the past week or so. Hm.

Writing is cool, isn’t it? I never thought about that till just now. Writing is so damn cool.

I wish you the best. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Understanding Yourself

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Do you have a difficult time understanding yourself? I do. Not all the time but, well, a lot of the time.

The funny thing? Most people I know think I’m one of the most confident people they know. The faces we can put on, right? You lot know the real me more than most in real life.

Are we made to understand ourselves? What’s to understand? Both good questions and both extremely difficult to answer. I mean, even when I think about things now, I wonder how I’ll ever “understand” myself or what that even means. But I came into writing this blog thinking it. Now, after the wonderful power of writing struck, I don’t think there is an understanding of ourselves. I mean, we kind of just are what we are, right? No need to understand it.

Again, what the hell did I just write?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

It’s A QD!

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Quote day. QD stands for quote day.

Hi, everybody.

I’m currently at a graduation party but I wanted to write a bit — then I realized I don’t have much today. So what did I do? Scoured the internet for some gosh darn amazing quotes. Just for you.

If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.

Morris West

You can say that again.

Nothing is more honorable than a grateful heart.

Seneca

I mean, that’s hard to argue.

Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it’s about learning to dance in the rain.

Vivian Greene

Sense a theme yet?

Too many of us are not living our dreams because we are living our fears.

Les Brown

Yup.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Me

Quick Update: Fight Result

~ Henry Butterfly ~ 2 Comments

Hi, everybody.

The training and mental work paid off. I won via unanimous decision—never a contest.

Hard work validated. Thanks for tagging along. Time to “rest” (kidding, I’m writing this from the boxing gym right now).

Believe in what you’re doing.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

If You’re Like Me, Read This

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

A friend who shares somewhat similar struggles as me recommended a book recently. Usually I say “OK, I’ll read it” and never follow through.

Well, it helps your recommendation to be read if I’m attracted to you. And that’s the case here. But boy, am I glad I listened to her and my attraction.

What’s this book? Published in 2007, The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer, provides a gut punch to your inner self. The battle between outer vs. inner. You know, a lot of what this blog is about. At least that’s what I’ve read so far.

Pick the book up if you want to. I’m three chapters in and it’s already caught my eye. Enough so where I’m recommending it this early. Hell, the book could be absolutely terrible by the end of it all. But if you pick it up, at least read through chapter three.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Feels Like the End

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

This morning really hurt. There’s no real way to put it or make it clear, but I’m at my limit.

I can’t seem to get anything going. My happiness is dead in the water. I wrote about it yesterday but again, every day feels the damn same. Yes, progress can be made with routine, but I’m 30. I’m lost. I’m lonely. I hate my line of work. I don’t gather as much enjoyment from boxing these days. I’ve reached my limit.

So what next? That’s what I’ve been asking myself all day. Obviously I have to keep working–don’t want to end up homeless. But how do I work well when I have zero passion in what I do?

How do I survive when I have zero passion for my life right now?

What the shit do I do to turn things around? Or am I stuck like this, forever? Will I always have one good day followed by a litter of bad days? I mean, I guess that’s how this whole blog started–read the damn name of the blog. Two Sides of Me. Shit, I’m beginning to think there’s 20 sides of me. And 19 of them aren’t good.

And not only does this impact me, but it makes me not want to interact with others because I’m just no damn good for anyone right now. I lash out, I attack, I am irritable. I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing here.

It does feel like the end. Will I quit? No. Do I want to? No. Is life unpredictable? Yes.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Confusing Days

~ Henry Butterfly ~ Leave a comment

Hi, everybody.

Sometimes my days consist of me fighting off all the negativity within my head. Today was one of those days—and I never got ahold of it.

I know I can drop this moment and move forward, move past it. I mean, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter—right?

Wrong.

I need to figure out why I have so many poor days. So many days where my mind traps my body. I speak about awareness, but I have so much to work on in that area. Let’s do this together, yeah?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.