A New World (Overstated)

Hi, everybody.

I had a reminder set to blog today AND I met with my therapist today, so naturally I’m here. Writing to you. But what about?

Probably about my therapy session. Maybe some other stuff. Let’s see where we go.

I’ve been struggling with mortality recently. I believe it’s from the death of one of my pups, but it’s really been keeping me up at night. I mean, there’s a chance I lose everyone around me before I go. That would absolutely suck. And come to think of it, it’s a selfish way of thinking.

But it still sucks. I don’t want to lose those close to me. And I’ve been struggling with that. That’s all I have on that topic.

Other than that, my life is mainly… screens and boxing. Work (screens), NFTs (screens), blogging (screens), and boxing.

I could use less screens, but I’m quite enjoying the boxing aspect. I’m looking to FINALLY fight pro in April. Exciting, yeah? That’s another thing. I’m excited on a consistent basis now – and shit that feels good. I don’t mean to brag, really. I hope you’re on the way up, too. And if you find yourself crashing down like I do at times, remember that climb up.

I think I’m done. I don’t have much to write about anymore, really. But I try. I don’t want to give up on this blog and I want to keep writing in my life. So I’ll keep throwing random shit here just to get stuff off my mind. Thank you for taking the time to read.

I wish you the best. Try not the beat the shit out of yourself.

Dinner & a Movie

Hi, everybody.

Well, I finally did it. I got my first “outbound” sales deal at this company. AND GUESS WHAT? I already had plans and now those plans can be a bit more celebratory.

You know, this entire week has been a mess for me internally, but it goes to show you that anything can change in an instant. Trust that. Believe that. Don’t bank on it because you never know when something will click, but don’t beat yourself up about shit. It’s not healthy. I do it all the time and each time I do it I end up hating myself more. Don’t be like me. Fight better than me. You can do it. I know you can.

Wow, I really broke off right there.

Anyway, tonight is a dinner and movie night with the girlfriend. Should be fun. I’m excited, are you?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Start of Fight Week

Hi, everybody.

My mental health might be a bit scattered this week. I mean, it usually is anyway, but I do take fight week very seriously. Always have. Actually, even though I’ve only had seven fights, I can comfortably say that I’ve done my best “thinking” during fight weeks. You really have to ask a lot of yourself. And after my final sparring rounds this morning, it’s time to ask those questions.

First thing you have to ask is, is this worth it?

The answer is always yes. At least for me.

Second thing you have to ask is, do you have enough discipline to stay focused and maintain weight?

The answer is always yes. At least for me.

But it’s been five years since my last fight. That one ended regrettably, with a split decision going in the other guy’s favor. He won the fight, probably, but I stopped fighting then. Kinda gave up after a few decisions didn’t go my way in other fights. I had enough of letting the judges tell me I didn’t do enough even when I had the other fighters telling me I did more than them. Or the other coaches. Whatever. I’m not bitter, right? Ha.

But that’s not an issue for me anymore. Even though I just brought it up, I really don’t pay it any mind anymore. Now that I’m a bit older, I’ve realized the only thing that matters is the effort I put into the gym and into my sparring sessions. It’s like Connor Benn says: “You know what I’ve been doing? Crushing it in the gym.”, but he says it in a super cool British accent that I do not posses. Although I’m four to five pounds over the weight limit for my class (middleweight), that’s nothing to worry about. A bit of jogging and a bit of sauna time will clear that water weight right out. Also, fully clean eating will help quite a bit.

I’m ready.

Also, fair warning, this will probably end up being the topic of the week. Hell, I might even talk about how I think each round will go, if it goes past the first round. I’m super pumped, you all. So very excited. The work I’ve put in will have an end result–then I go pro early next year.

It’s true and I’m noticing it now. I’m not saying “if you try hard enough, you can do anything”–I think that’s bullshit. BUT, within reason, yes, you can do anything. Look at me. I blog to a bunch of people every single day and fight people at night. Does it make sense? No. Does it have to make sense? No.

Let’s do this thing.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Lacking Meditation

Hi, everybody.

So as I mentioned a couple blog posts ago, I’m reading a book titled The Untethered Soul: The Journey Beyond Yourself by Michael A. Singer. It’s been quite a ride so far and hell, I’m not even close to done with the book. It’s one of those books, well at least for me, that I need to put down after reading a chapter or two. It’s some heavy-hitting stuff, I’m telling ya. Also, he does a good job of not bullshitting you. That’s nice to read from a “self-help” type of book.

OK, I’m getting slightly off topic.

The author challenges the reader back into meditation (or for those who currently practice, he further enforces the validity of it). I’ve done a terrible job over the summer meditating. In fact, I think I’ve only done it once or twice over the past four or five months. That’s terrible. But I can change that.

As the author says, “Be the answer, and everything will change.”

That’s some powerful shit. And it’s true. When you ask “Who am I?” there’s no logical response. Singer talks about that. There is no “intellectual answer” as he states. Instead, it’s very simple and clear: “You are the answer.”

So when I talk about making changes in my life, I need to take these words to heart. Meditation is healthy for me and I’ve let it slip away. That’s not anyone’s fault but my own. I owe it to myself to get back into a meditative state from time to time–and I’ll start that tomorrow morning.

I’m excited that I am the answer. Are you excited that you are the answer, too? It’s kind of liberating.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Waiting at Vet

Hi, everybody.

Title is pretty self-explanatory. I’m at the vet. Both dogs getting juiced up with their yearly shots so I decided to write to you lot. Hopefully they’re drowsy the rest of the day, right? I could use a break from their energy.

So what’s on the agenda today? BOXING! And fixing up a boxing club that’s been in the community for 43 years. It’s a tremendous place run by one of the best men you could possibly meet. He’s run this club for FORTY THREE years. And it’s all been free for inner city kids to come box and compete out of there. You hear that? 43 years of service to community. All to help, not for money. Pretty damn cool.

Combat sports are cool. The community is even cooler. You would think we’re all jerks who want to beat everyone up, but it’s quite the opposite. Now put us in a ring with someone and yeah, we want to beat that person up. But I’ve never seen a more helpful and inclusive community than the boxing community here where I live.

I’m excited to go down there and paint some more, bullshit with the coaches, and give my boxers hell for messing up on the trim.

Today’s another busy day, but another good busy day. I’m excited for today. I hope you are, too. If you aren’t, think about volunteering some of your time. It’s never a wasteful act.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Work “Boot Camp”

Hi, everybody!

That exclamation mark is deceiving. I’m actually not excited whatsoever. It’s CULTURE time at the new company, meaning I have a two-week orientation starting today. And I’m not excited. I’ll probably tell you how unexcited I am about 50 times throughout this blog, if it lasts that long.

OK, but really, I’m not excited AT ALL. But I do like this company quite a bit, so I guess I’ll suck it up and push forward. Sometimes we have to do shitty shit in life to get to where we want to go. We all need to accept that. Your Instagram feed isn’t realistic, so don’t think that’s what life is supposed to be like. Life still comes with many ups and downs, lulls, and voids. Usually more of the latter than the former for most of us.

But stick in there. If you are about to embark on a two-week mission of misery, identify it. Then find a way to dominate it.

OPE! First “meeting” starts in five minutes. Gotta go.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.


Hi, everybody!

Four days in a row. No big deal.

I’m very happy today. The boxing team is really coming together. More and more of my actual boxers are coming in for multiple trainings a week and I’m loving it. We are now up to… nine boxers! That’s nine people we are getting ready to fight in the Summer months. It’s exciting. Really exciting. Also, they’ve done a tremendous job embracing the team atmosphere in such an individual sport. People think boxing is all about the boxer, but it is really a team sport. You don’t get better without solid teammates and coaches in training.

I’ve also experienced great teamwork in my first week at the new job. My boss commended me for helping the team out with my English degree (editing our email cadences and making them… much, much better). I reached out to the COO and started a conversation with him. He’s happy to have me on his team.

I just really love the idea of team. It’s so very important in life to surround yourself with a team. A team could be your support group. A team could be as simple as your family. As simple as a couple of your friends. But having a team pushes you to be better. Pushes you to check in on yourself. Pushes you to care for others, which in turn helps you care for yourself.

Become part of a team. You won’t regret it.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Back Home

Hi, everybody!

I’m back! My dogs love it. I have a 40 second clip of them freaking the hell out when I got home. One of my friends tells me one of my dogs sings when I get home. I don’t know if I’d call that singing, but eh, she’s definitely happy. I also have a picture of a completely destroyed couch which I noticed AFTER all of the excitement. Oh well. One is just a puppy. That’ll happen.

That’s not to say I didn’t flip a biscuit a bit when I saw the couch. Luckily I was home so I was able to collect myself, then head to the gym to let out some frustrations that arose from airport people and well, the couch.

But man, it feels good to be back. I know I finally have a “home”. My last house and location didn’t feel like home. This does. It’s a good feeling.

Now I move into a week of nothing but boxing. I don’t start my new job till the 19th, so I’m planning on making next week very, very fun. Lots of reading, maybe some hiking, and definitely dog parks. I’m excited. Oh, and I won’t wake up till at the latest 8 AM. Probably closer to 9 AM like I did today. Feels good.

So now being back home, even if I was only gone for a short time, I need to catch up with some things. Check my finances, pay some bills, clean the house, do laundry, etc., but I get to do this all at home. I’m excited about that.

I’m excited for a lot of things, really. If you would have asked me what I’m excited about six months ago, I would’ve been speechless. It’s a priceless feeling to be excited, especially about so many things.

I really don’t have much to touch on today. I really do hope you’re taking good care of yourself. Taking action when needed and giving yourself a break when needed. Balance is very important. I know, I know, it’s hard for people like us to find balance. But it’s not impossible.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

It Gets Better

Example: Me.

Now look, I’m not 100% better. If you’ve followed my blog posts since August when I started this outlet, you know I’ve been struggling with many things in my life. Mainly passion, loneliness, & overall depression. Anxiety gets tossed in there, too. Can’t stand that shit.

Over the past couple of days I’ve actually seen progress. Is it from my meds? Who knows. Is it from my therapy? Again, who knows. Who really cares? If we try to find answers for everything in our lives, we’ll go absolutely mad. Whatever I’m doing is working. I’m not close to my normal self yet, but I’m making progress most days.

Weekends still suck. Way too much time on my hands on the weekends. Monday through Friday? Doing real well.

Work is going well although I am interviewing for other companies (keep all doors open), I’m putting my house up for sale at the end of this month, & my future is quite unknown. I’m not scared about that any longer. I’m excited for it. I haven’t felt excitement in months, so I’m acclimating to it the best I possibly can. I must make sure not to get overexcited, because I’m sure something will slap me in the face over the next few days. You’re quite dense if you think everything is going to go smoothly because all of a sudden you feel like somewhat like yourself again. At least that’s what I think. If you don’t agree, you are a much more positive person & I can’t fault for you that. No one can. Keep that positivity. It’s hard to get back. (Again, example: Me.)

It feels good to genuinely laugh again. To go on dates & actually want to go on dates. To hit the heavy bag with purpose. To golf with my father. To walk my dogs. To cooking some of my favorite meals. To going to a dog birthday party this weekend.

It’s starting to feel like I’m turning a corner. Let’s hope it lasts, eh?

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.