My Dog’s Birthday

Hi, everybody!

Yesterday my dog turned 11 years old. I’ve had her since she was 3 months old. She’s my “ride or die”, and yesterday was fantastic.

First off, we started with a walk. Now, keep in mind I do have a puppy. He’s about 1.5 years old, so he benefited GREATLY from yesterday. Secondly, I made sure to provide a plethora of treats. Dog cookies? Check. Beef tendons? Check. Dental chews so they don’t have terrible breath from the beef tendons? Double check.

But I do get sad seeing my dog age. Like I said, she’s my “ride or die”–really she’s my everything. She’s helped me through so much. Multiple break-ups, multiple spells of extreme depression, moments I thought I’d kill myself, and hell, she even saved a woman who hanged herself at my house. How? Well, I didn’t see my friend’s legs hanging out of the closet, my dog did. She saved that woman. My dog is a damn hero.

Dogs have a special connection to me. When my brother passed when I was young, my parents got me a puppy not as a replacement, but as a new friend. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to live without a dog. They truly are something special. If you’re a cat person, that’s fine, just know dogs are superior in every single possible way. And that’s fact, not opinion.

It was good to see my dog have so much fun yesterday. Today she’s limping because she went a bit too hard at the dog park, but it’s all worth it to her. Plus I have plenty of medication and supplements to help with her pain.

Yesterday was a good day. Seems to be a theme nowadays. I can get used to this.

Happy birthday, my 11-year old badass doggo!

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Starting Fast, Starting Strong

Hi, everybody!

Hope you lot are doing well. Today is a great day, it really is. Let’s go over the agenda.

  • Boxing Technique and Conditioning (Complete)
  • An All Out American Breakfast (In Progress)
  • Hiking
  • Dogs
  • Lady Friend
  • More Food
  • Probably Vidjie Games

It’s really a fantastic day. And it’s going to stay that way all the way through. I can’t state how important the start of your day is, truly. Every single day I start with my passion (boxing) turns out to be an amazing day. I barely boxed today, just mainly coached, but boy starting with that passion really sets you up for a successful day, whatever that means for you.

Think about that. See if you can work in more of what you love doing earlier on in the day. I like to call it starting strong or starting fast. I use the term often in boxing. Think about it: The way you start translates into the rest of what you do throughout the day. If you start with something destructive, do you think you’ll end with something constructive? If you start your day slow, do you really think you’ll be able to pick it up by the end of the day?

But it’s not easy. I fail a lot. But I know what gets me that happiness now. I know that coaching, boxing, conditioning, interacting with people on a teaching level gets me going. Sets me up for success. Try to figure out what that is for you. Everyone has something. Everyone.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Back Home

Hi, everybody!

I’m back! My dogs love it. I have a 40 second clip of them freaking the hell out when I got home. One of my friends tells me one of my dogs sings when I get home. I don’t know if I’d call that singing, but eh, she’s definitely happy. I also have a picture of a completely destroyed couch which I noticed AFTER all of the excitement. Oh well. One is just a puppy. That’ll happen.

That’s not to say I didn’t flip a biscuit a bit when I saw the couch. Luckily I was home so I was able to collect myself, then head to the gym to let out some frustrations that arose from airport people and well, the couch.

But man, it feels good to be back. I know I finally have a “home”. My last house and location didn’t feel like home. This does. It’s a good feeling.

Now I move into a week of nothing but boxing. I don’t start my new job till the 19th, so I’m planning on making next week very, very fun. Lots of reading, maybe some hiking, and definitely dog parks. I’m excited. Oh, and I won’t wake up till at the latest 8 AM. Probably closer to 9 AM like I did today. Feels good.

So now being back home, even if I was only gone for a short time, I need to catch up with some things. Check my finances, pay some bills, clean the house, do laundry, etc., but I get to do this all at home. I’m excited about that.

I’m excited for a lot of things, really. If you would have asked me what I’m excited about six months ago, I would’ve been speechless. It’s a priceless feeling to be excited, especially about so many things.

I really don’t have much to touch on today. I really do hope you’re taking good care of yourself. Taking action when needed and giving yourself a break when needed. Balance is very important. I know, I know, it’s hard for people like us to find balance. But it’s not impossible.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

A 6 AM Start

Yeah, you read that right.

Hi, everybody!

One thing I haven’t done in AGES is wake up at an “early” time. I’m a 7:30 AM – 8 AM type of guy. Today however, well today I woke up at noon 6 AM. I was going to go back to sleep, but you know what I did? I stood up. Crazy, right? Then I let my dogs out. Then I fed the dogs.

Now this is where it gets crazy.

I didn’t go back to bed. I made a full breakfast for myself. Over-easy eggs, turkey sausage, yogurt – the whole shebang. Unreal.

My colleagues were alarmed to see me on the company Slack at 7 AM and making calls by then. Like seriously, super alarmed. I was asked if I was doing OK because of how early I started today.

I know I’ll crash today, but I am proud of myself for one thing today: Deciding to stand up.

I’m going to pat myself on the back. You should do the same.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Two Posts, One Day

Hi, everyone (again)!

I don’t know why I’m back. I just finished a blog for the company I work for, so maybe that was such boring writing that I had to come back here to finish the night off the right way. Let’s begin: (insert cuss word).

Kidding. Well, mostly. I am happy to be typing away on this website again, that’s for sure. It feels like life’s slowed down a bit. Judging by my dogs, we’re all getting much more comfortable with our surroundings. The young pup is to the right of me, frantically fighting to stay awake. He won’t last long. The older pup? Well, she’s on her perch, protecting this house. I love em’ both.

What else is going on? Let’s check in with you. Anything super fun happen recently? Any firsts? Any subtle changes to your life ending with big differences? Even small differences? Are you giving yourself enough fuckin’ credit yet? I hope so. I really do.

I started this blog through a challenge my buddy gave me. I didn’t think I’d last this long writing on it, honestly. I made sure to try to pick a catchy name so I could stick with it longer, but really it’s turned into something real for me. It’s brought back my love for writing. Yeah, this isn’t the best writing, I know, I know, but fuck it. It’s writing. I like it. Hopefully you like it. If you don’t like it, well, you’re lying. You’re already this far into the blog. If you didn’t like it, you would’ve clicked “back” already or just put your screen down. But you didn’t. You’re still here with me. I’m still here with you.

This blog started as a depression, anxiety, overall mental health outlet for me. It still is. I’m still fighting each and every day. I’m still doubting myself in portions of my day, but not nearly as often as when I first started this thing.

I’m getting better. A few months ago I thought I was going to kill myself. I didn’t. I’m still here. It’s because of you that I’m still here. The reader. The friend who pushed me here. The Pops who reads this shit (and probably winces at every cuss word). It’s you lot that keep me going.

People say happiness comes from within, through loving yourself, etc.. What should be emphasized there? “People say”. It doesn’t mean it applies to you. I don’t think it truly applies to me, honestly. My happiness comes from spending my time for others. It doesn’t come from within. I need you people. I’m not scared to say it. I love you fucking people, even the irritating ones.

Keep being you. Please.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.


We all go on spurts. Gambling spurts, traveling spurts, spurts of depression, etc..

Do you know what a spurt is? If not, here’s how Oxford Languages defines it: A sudden marked burst or increase of activity or speed.

A sudden burst equaling increased activity. For a guy like me, a guy who willingly plunges under the covers to throw away two hours just to get rid of those two hours, spurts can be day-changing. I’m going to hold back from saying “life-changing” for now… unless I can continue to ride this spurt till the sun comes up.

Anyway, what can a spurt do, you ask?

Since really getting going at 10 AM (now 7:30 PM), I’ve…

  • Written this blog (easy one)
  • Really struggling to recall now…
  • Oh, I put together a rough 10-year plan for my lifelong dream
  • Studied hyphens & I still have no fucking clue how they really work, like really WTF’s up with those
  • Demolished some spreadsheet stuff from work I put off for the past… four or so months
  • Took a COVID test (doesn’t bother me – not that I’m some tough guy, but… yeah, doesn’t bother me, not that I’m a tough guy or anything…)
  • Took the dogs on TWO, not one, but TWO walks
  • Showered (that’s a regular occurence, I swear)
  • Last night I took a woman out to look at lights (don’t worry, she had COVID like a week ago. She’s immune, they say – for now)
  • That last bullet sounded evil
  • Ooh, phrasing
  • OK, let’s get back on track, I cooked dinner for the folks (bacon, eggs to order, hash browns)
  • About to workout here on the living room floor (currently on COVID watch so can’t head to the gym)

OK, way too much information there. One of you shoulda said something. Tell me to shut up, cmon!

Hey, on a serious note, I hope you find spurts here or there on more occasions. Don’t be afraid to turn off once you feel your brain melting a bit. It’s always OK to rest. After a while, we can turn those spurts into some consistency. Hopefully, right?

I wish you well. Try not to beat yourself up.

Reflections: Flying Home

I’m sitting in a Burger King right now. Checked in for my flight, head home here in just an hour or so.

What has this trip meant to me?

I originally embarked on this trip filled with zero expectations. I think I managed that. I never set anything in stone on things I had to get done, places I had to see, or people I had to meet. I did a good job on that.

However, I don’t know why I feel like I didn’t do enough this trip. It could have something to do with my crippling depression & constant need for naps throughout the trip to pass some time. But when I think about those naps, they managed to get me through some really tough mental moments.

I leave Maine knowing I saw what I could see. I ventured out as much as I could. I did give it my all. Now I head home without an ounce of knowledge on what to do next, & that’s a scary thought.

My parents will be there for me. My dogs will be there for me.

What did I learn about myself this trip? I still have a knack for meeting strangers and befriending them. That’s good to know. Maybe when I get back home it’ll be time to head back out to bars, to head back out & just talk with people. Maybe I’ll make some new friends. Maybe I’ll rekindle friendships with those that I’ve put aside recently due to my mental state.

This was a positive trip. I maybe cried a bit more than I’d care to admit, but I did something I didn’t think was possible for me. Hell, I thought I might drive off a cliff when I was heading up & down Cadillac Mountain, I was that poor off. But I didn’t. I’m still here. Fighting. Living somewhat, but mostly fighting.

I can’t wait to see my dogs. I can’t wait to be in my own bed. I am excited for what’s next. I’m proud to feel that way.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Another Monday

I might be the only person that says this, but right now I LOVE MONDAYS.

The weekends are the worst right now. The obvious problem is the pandemic, but also going through emotional struggle during this time isn’t fun, either. You’re either stuck at home with your own thoughts or you’re stuck out at the bar trying not to think of your own thoughts. It’s a weird time.

So what does Monday bring to me? My routine. My routine is so very important for me. Wake up to my puppy scratching my eyelid, feed the dogs after a slight scolding for the pup that tried to rip my eyelid open, and head off to the gym. When I get back, I make some coffee & eat some yogurt. Sounds boring, right? Does it sound more interesting if I say that sometimes I also eat a banana? Nah. Still boring, but it keeps my head in a good place.

I’m starting to really love the weekdays. I never thought I’d say that to myself, and I really hope I begin to start loving the weekends again, but at least I enjoy 5/7 days of the week (for the most part, not all the time, but for the most part).

Routine is everything for a guy like me & I think routine is extremely helpful when you’re going through shit. Find something you can stick to and stick with. Make it an absolute necessity to get that shit done BUT don’t beat yourself up if you just don’t make it happen that day.

So yeah, I kinda love Mondays now. Weird.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.

Something About Forgiveness

Couldn’t figure out a title there. Open to suggestions. Also open to featured image ideas. Really, any suggestions on how to run a blog would be helpful at this point.

OK, let’s set the scene.

“Adult,” aged 20… maybe 21. Can’t remember if this was opiate me or regular me. Just bought a puppy, a beautiful black german shepherd/lab mix. Something about that dog (still alive & doing amazing) pushed me to apply at a startup natural pet food store. Recently opened in one of the nicer pockets of town, it seemed like the perfect job at the time. And it was. It was a job I felt a sense of purpose whenever I walked through that door & heard their dog paw chime. Being around animals, around people loving animals, and helping people help those animals live longer. Can’t get that much better for me. If you’re feeding your dog and/or cat Purina or Science Diet, shame on you. Seriously, stop.

I was hired as an under-the-table inventory manager (did I do the hyphen thing right?). The first manager in this little shop’s history. Remember, I was 20, maybe 21. Either really drugged out or trying to work through how to live life without being drugged out. Probably not the best guy to put in that position, but the sweet, innocent owners didn’t know that. Us drug addicts are pros at putting on a face.

The owners were both first generation immigrants, one from Asia, one from Europe. They moved to my hometown to finish up college and pursue opportunities, and they did just that. They followed their passion of business, they followed their passion of animals. They were people I connected with right away – and now that I think about it… they might’ve been the best bosses I’ve ever had.

Anyway, you’re probably asking yourself why any of this matters. Well, I’m sure you can guess I messed up somehow, you just don’t know how bad.

I can’t remember my motive, honestly I can’t. Maybe I was lacking money for rent, maybe I needed money for drugs. Maybe I was just a klepto. Again, I don’t remember, but I do remember finding a way to work the system with a “return item” hack. Essentially I would find an item in the store, run it through the system, and return it. Rather simple when you think about it, and as the inventory manager, it was something only I would notice… for a while.

After putting a dent in the bottom line for about two to three months, the owners finally figured it out. Being the genuinely nice people they were, they allowed me to pay them back & not involve the cops. Of course I apologized, but I don’t remember meaning it. My mind was on getting caught. Again, I was a shiiiiiitty young adult/kid/whatever. There wasn’t a reason to be kind to me, but they decided to be kind. More importantly, they decided to forgive.

Today I stopped at the store, a new one since they’ve done so well since over the past decade or so. They’re now at four stores along with an online presence. It’s really great to see.

I walked in and noticed the gentleman owner. It was he & I, alone, in the store, no music, no nothing. I was scared, really I was. Every time I enter one of their stores I instantly think of how I robbed the damn place. Let me repeat what I did for those in the back: I robbed a natural pet food store owned by first generation immigrants.

Being alone, the owner & I collectively decided to start a conversation, and quickly I developed the absolute need to genuinely apologize. I didn’t go in there thinking this moment would happen, but it did. The response I received was… well, after writing this, I guess expected. The owner assured me over & over that he held nothing against me. The owner asked questions about how I was doing, what I’m doing for work, & where I’m living nowadays. He treated me like the first day I met him – that’s true forgiveness.

I talked, he listened. After that, I listened, he talked. Now you might be thinking, “Oh, they’re just exchanging niceties.” WRONG. Why would you think that? Why are you so pessimistic all the time?!

The owner talked about bringing me back on staff, impromptu. Was I surprised? Hell yes I was. I took from this man when he had one store & barely afforded his one bedroom apartment. Yet this man, being the type of person he is, looked past my one bad moment (well, my two to three months of bad moments) & decided to look at the good of me. Something maybe I should do a bit more often.

As always, I have no fucking clue what you’ll get out of this post. It was just a cool moment I wanted to share with you. I hope you have a cool moment soon.

I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.