Here we go again, another blog to vent to you lot. My apologies. After this damn streak hits 100, I am going to move to a blog post a week. All with real substance to them, too. Well, hopefully. You lot know how my mind works at this point–it’s kind of all over the place.
Welp, my significant other arrived back in the country today. They have no clue where my mind has been at the past month but I do plan on breaking it off with the individual. It’s scary because they’re so integrated into my life and, well, I hate doing this type of stuff. It hurts to hurt someone.
But I have to remind myself of the positives here. I’m 1) stopping any false hope 2) ending things before they escalate 3) I’m setting someone free from someone like me.
The last one sounds harsh, but I’ll be honest with you lot as I usually am–I’m still in no condition to be in a relationship. I’m angry, irritable, selfish, and worst of all, I shut down.
The person deserves more than me. I deserve more of myself and learning more about myself so I can better love who I am as a person. But this time I’ve learned a lesson. At least I hope so. Impulse is almost never a good feeling to follow, and that’s just what I did here. I mention overthinking a lot, but sometimes it’s necessary. Life isn’t always about throwing shit at a wall and hoping it sticks. Sometimes it takes a deep dive into your own damn soul to figure out what’s going on with you.
I’m still trying to figure that out. Hopefully therapy tomorrow helps.
I am fearful of what’s to come but ready to accept any consequences of my actions here. I must remain aware of that.
I wish you well. Try not to beat the shit out of yourself.